June 1st. This is it. It's graduation week.
It always felt so far away. So far off. Even knowing the hours, days, and months were passing by.....it always felt like I had more time than I really did.
I can't believe that in what feels like a blink of an eye, graduation is here.
Wasn't it just last summer? Wasn't it just the beginning of the school year? Wasn't it just Christmas?
I've had many melancholy moments. Moments of sadness at the closing of this chapter. Moments of fear wondering what life will look like and feel like next. Moments of panic knowing that come Fall, he will no longer be living, safe and sound, under my roof.
A lot of the time I'm ok.....but then I'll be doing something like laundry, and it'll just hit me that in another few short months, his pile will be missing from the kitchen table.
It's a lot to take in.
It's a lot of tears to hold back.
But I do it.
This month is a busy one. Just look at this calendar. And it all starts tomorrow! Senior hot rod day, Anthony's last jazz band concert, college signing day, senior parade, graduation, friend's graduation parties, Anthony's senior camping trip with friends, Anthony's graduation party, his 18th birthday, and Molly's 16th birthday.
This month will be a doozy, that's for sure. Time to put my big girl panties on and make it through.
I have really enjoyed receiving graduation announcements in the mail! I lovingly tack them to our special bulletin board in the kitchen, where I look at them every day. Anthony's class has been an amazing one. His group of friends are just spectacular. We have greatly enjoyed watching them all grow into the finest of young men over the years. We love them all very much.
We have many parties to attend the weekend after graduation. A lot of people are having their parties on the same day, at the same time. We will have to plan and budget our time wisely, so that we can hit as many as possible.
Anthony's grad party will be on the 21st. We wanted to do it later in the month so that all of his friends could come to his, and he could go to all of his friends. Many people have told me they wish they had thought of having it later in the month, lol. So I guess I'm doing things right.
I've already started working on party planning and decorating. I have these cute grade frames that I put up in the dining area. I'm also working on three large posters full of photos from birth to graduation. That'll take some time to complete. So many photos to sift through. I cry the entire time I am going through photos.
Streamers went up early because I wanted them up for graduation day. I really wanted this week to feel special for Anthony. Decorating is the very least I can do. We plan to have a little celebration before graduation where he gets to open his graduation gift from us!
As hard and emotional as all of this senior stuff is, I fought so hard to still be here. Exactly for all of this.
I could not be here.
I could have not found the lump in my breast 3 summers ago. Or, I could have chosen to ignore it. Or, I could have found it too late, or waited too long, waited until treatment couldn't help. Or, I could have not undergone treatment at all, or not made it through treatment. So many different potential outcomes, yet I found the lump, I did all the things, I fought hard, and here I am.
So I am damned well going to soak up every second and remind myself to be grateful to even exist to bare witness to these moments. Hard or not.
This perspective has helped me to be able to see all the good, joy, and excitement in the moments, and be able to show up with love and gratitude, and not just sadness and fear.
Bring on graduation week. It's going to be fun. And, I've got tissues, if needed.
With love,
Mama Hauck
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