Breast Cancer Awareness Month

It’s October first. I hate that October, my favorite month, is breast cancer awareness month. Couldn't any other month have been chosen? Way to ruin a good time.

Anyway, here we are. October. I either get so angry and triggered I hide away, or I use the space and time society has allotted for breast cancer awareness to share my voice.

I choose to simultaneously hate that October is breast cancer awareness month and be triggered by all the pink, while also knowing it might be the only soapbox and spotlight I am given.

So here goes.

Please do me the kindness of reminding yourself that I am a real person who went through this very real thing. Breast cancer is not this cute pink image wrapped up in bows. It is a port taking up space in your chest. It is poison being pumped into your body. It is laying in bed after chemo, curled in the fetal position, sweating through your clothes and throwing up, with barely the energy to lift your head to make the bowl. It is stares at your bald head. It is scalpels cutting out tumor and breast tissue. It is drain tubes. Scars. Disfigurement. It is scream crying when no one is around until your voice gives out.

I recently had someone tell me my hair looked great, and then ask how thankful I must be to have all of this behind me.

God damn it. Triggered. My breath caught in my chest and my throat closed.

I smiled and said thank you, yes, I am. What I really wanted to do was fucking scream.

I keep waiting for enough time to pass...to feel like the chapter is closed...to feel like this is all behind me. But it's not. I'm beginning to understand that things don't work that way. I carry the weight of this experience with me daily, like a heavy stone placed upon my chest and intricately stitched into the space where my port used to be. Mine to keep forever. Time might pass, and I might grow stronger so that the stone feels less heavy, but it'll be there.

Always.

At the end of the month I will be participating in the 2nd Annual Golden Pumpkin 5k Fun Run/Walk. I did this last year with the family and we all had a great time. The event is put on by a local woman who went through her own breast cancer battle, and the proceeds go to a semi-local cancer center. 

Please support and encourage the women in your life to perform monthly self breast exams and yearly mammograms. 

Happy October. 

With love,

Mama Hauck

September Garden

Tomorrow is the first day of October. My favorite month! 

With that said, I truly do think I have waited long enough. Every day these past few weeks I have had to resist the urge. With October on the horizon, there was no way I could have waited even just one more day. 

So, without further ado, I present to you, my pumpkin haul! Not too shabby. 

None of them wound up being big enough to actually carve, even though I did plant carving jack-o-lanterns, but that's ok. We plan to just get the $7 pumpkins at Costco or Freddies to carve anyway. 

I am excited to bring the little ones into the house to use as decoration, and the rest will be placed on the porch around the front door. 

In other garden news, I pulled the watermelon, which was the last thing I had growing. Even though the days are still pretty warm, the nights have gotten chilly, and I thought it time. Unfortunately, it was not time, haha. It definitely needed a lot more time to grow. Or maybe not, and it just sucked. In any case, it was not tasty, at all. But ya know, who cares. It was fun to watch grow and not the main attraction in the garden anyway. 

Ok, with the pumpkins pulled, as well as the watermelon, all the garden beds are now empty and it is time to put the garden to rest for the winter. 

Until next growing season! 

With love,

Mama Hauck

The Homestead Retreat

Surprise. I am finally getting my long-awaited guest house built. Ekkkk! I've been dreaming about it for literal years. We even poured the concrete slab like 12 years ago, haha. 

I'm thankful we are now in a position to bring this dream to fruition. I'll have to come up with a name for it. 

Work started the first week of September, the same time we were dealing with Molly's whole tonsillectomy surgery and aftercare. It was a lot going on at once. But that was the week we had planned to get started on it with Anthony still at home and our friend available to help, so that's what we stuck to. They got a lot of the framing done that first week, and it was exciting to see things start to take shape. 

Progress has been slow since that first week, but that's ok. Anth had to head back to campus. Our friend has a whole life and is fitting us into it. Our material orders kept getting messed up and our deliveries were either missing materials or the wrong materials were delivered. Sam can only do so much on the weekends working alone. 

Whenever you have a timeline in mind, go ahead and just throw that out the window. Things just take time. But there's no rush for me. I've been patient for years. This is the fun extra that just gets worked into the day in and day out of normal life. It certainly doesn't take priority, but I am excited about it.  

This weekend we finally started putting the siding on. We had to wait for all of the siding to finally be delivered because only half was in stock when we put the order in. Then we had to wait for the paint to be on sale for 50% off as we knew that would save us so much money.

Finally, both items were purchased and received, shit was painted, and siding started to go up. Thus far, we have the bottom portion done. I'm loving the red. Eventually, the siding will look like board and batten. 

I am excited for more progress. With it getting colder now, and with rain and wind on the horizon, I think we just want to get the outside as complete as possible. The plan for next month is for Sam and our friend to get the rest of the siding up, as well as the metal roofing done. The electrical guy is also coming soon and will get all the wires, switches, outlets, and can ceiling lighting installed. Then I think we will pause for the winter months and pick things back up in the Spring.

In the mean time, I am brainstorming the interior. Paint colors, flooring, ceiling, lighting, furniture, textiles, etc. That is the fun part for me, and I can't wait to be able to start working on the inside and then pull everything together. 

With love,

Mama Hauck