If You Can't Be Kind....

 If you cant be kind, be quiet. 

I'd say shut the fuck up, but be quiet is nicer for a t-shirt, I'll admit. 

And that's all I have to say about that for now. 

With love,

Mama Hauck

Soulmate Walk

The snow is gone, the weather is decent....time for a soulmate walk! The human, and animal kind. 

I am looking forward to nicer days ahead. 

With love,

Mama Hauck

Fire Cider

For the past two years, Sammy and I have made fire cider, an ancient herbal elixir. It is claimed to be an herbal health tonic with different properties that are beneficial for your immune system and overall well being. 

While there are no actual studies to prove any type of health claims associated with fire cider, and I will be the very first to tell you not to believe everything you find and read on the internet, we have fun making it, and enjoy a shot glass worth of it every now and again. We haven't died yet, so there is that. 

If you are interested in making fire cider too, here's the recipe and directions I chose from the world wide interwebs. 

Enjoy! 

With love,

Mama Hauck

2 Years Since

January is hard. 

It holds all the trauma of my diagnosis via my first mammogram and ultrasound. 

February is also hard. 

It's been 2 years. 

2 years since my first biopsy on the 1st.

2 years since my first PET scan on the 1st.

2 years since having my port surgery on the 2nd.

2 years since cutting my hair off on the 11th. 

And 2 years since my first round of chemo on the 20th...today...and all the pain and hardships that came after. 

Sometimes I wonder if there are feelings locked up inside of me. I wonder, if I hadn't worried so much about putting on a brave face for everyone, if  hadn't done all of those stupid thumbs up smiley photos to show how tough I am, and just was my authentic self, feeling whatever I needed to feel, whenever I needed to feel it, 100% of the time, instead of just behind closed doors, if I would still be struggling so much right now?

I wonder if it gets easier? 

I wonder if I will always feel a rock in my belly, tightness in my chest, and a lump in my throat when these months roll around? 

When I think about what I went through...am still going through?

When I even hear the word cancer? 

I don't know, but I hope it does get easier. Because I'm so tired. 

With love,

Mama Hauck

Enjoying the Last Snow

A couple days ago we got some more snow. I feel like everyone kept saying we were going to have a bad winter, but we didn't. We would get a couple inches, 6 tops, it would stick around for a few days to a week, then it would warm up and it would all melt. Rinse and repeat a handful of times. We never got any snow storms where it just nuked 2+ feet of snow like we've had before, and where it stuck around the whole winter. Which is fine with me, I suppose, as I get really anxious about Anthony driving on bad roads. And I don't enjoy that much either. But I mean, it is a little fun to have a crap ton of snow and get some snow days off from school. 

In any case, we're enjoying what I'm hoping will be our last snowfall. I've been outside to play with the dogs, Sam took Timothy sledding, and Tim had his friend over and they built a fun snowman. I even had to fetch a carrot for his nose! I love that Timothy still wants to be out in the snow. Molly and Anthony are like hell no, lol. Although, I'm hoping to at least have Anthony go sledding with us at least one more time. Maybe next winter when he's home on college break. 

I am ready for winter to be done. I am looking forward to sunshine, sitting out in my front yard watching the dogs play, and starting work in the garden. 

With love,

Mama Hauck