July 13, 2025.
Today, I am 2 years "No Evidence of Disease."
Two years ago, on July 13th, 2023, I had my unilateral mastectomy with immediate reconstruction and sentinel lymph node dissection. The surgeon got clear margins, and my lymph nodes were clear. From the second I was wheeled out of surgery, I was declared "no evidence of active disease" (also known as NED).
I have heard and done a lot of reading on the fact that most doctors are hesitant to say "cancer free." It's typically "no evidence of disease" or "in remission." I didn't know any of this before cancer. In fact, I didn't know any of this up to the moment I was told I was no evidence of disease after my mastectomy. In my head I thought to myself, "I'm what? You mean all of that, and I'm not cancer free?" It took a while to digest what I was told and really understand.
No evidence of disease and in remission, simply means that no cancer is currently detectable in the body. That may be based on scans, bloodwork, or some other kind of test, like a biopsy.
Cancer-free is a little more complicated, because it’s not based on something anyone can measure. Instead, it implies that not only is there nothing detectable in your body as cancer, but doctors also believe no residual cancer is left anywhere, so there’s no chance of the cancer ever coming back.
But, the hard truth is, there's just no way to every truly know that every single microscopic cancer cell was killed. It's impossible. Once you've had cancer, there’s always a risk of recurrence. Based off of your original diagnosis, there could be a slight risk, or a more substantial risk. Whether it be within a few years, or 10, 20, 30 + years in the future. With all the luck in the World on your side, that risk might never come to fruition during the remainder of your time on this Earth. But based on the truth that doctors just cant know, can one ever truly say cancer free? When we can't predict the future? When we can't know with 100% certainty that every single microscopic cancer cell was killed? Every single one?
I don't know. I would say saying cancer free is more hope and faith based, not fact based. And there's nothing wrong with that. People need that hope and faith. And who am I to tell others what to do, think, or say? So maybe no matter what your doctor wants to say, I suppose it more comes down to what you want to say.
As for me, I am more fact based. Not that I don't have any hope. I do. But I understand how cancer works, and I know, for me personally and my particular breast cancer diagnosis grade and staging, there will always be a risk of recurrence. No matter how deeply I wish to, my mind is too fact based to allow myself to say cancer free. I just don't know that every single microscopic cancer cell has been killed. I can hope, but I don't know. And that's why I choose to say no evidence of disease.
I do not believe it takes away from the milestone of reaching 1 year, 2 years, and hopefully many more years to come of NED.
Anyway.
Here I am celebrating 2 years NED. I've come a long way in the 2 years since my chemotherapy and mastectomy. Hell, I've come a long way in just this part year. I've been working really hard. I'm no where near where I want to be.....but is anyone? Ever? I still have a lot of issues I am working on. Some original health issues pre-diagnosis. Some issues due to treatment and surgery. Some issues have completely resolved. Some issues have seen no change, good or bad. Some issues have simply become bearable. And some issues have gotten worse. This is, without a doubt, the human experience for us all, right? This journey, much against my will, has taught me so much patience. And I practice that patience daily. I offer myself grace on my bad days, which there are still many of, and just accept them for what they are. Knowing not every day will be bad. And hoping with every fiber of my being that all the self work I am doing, on body, mind, and soul, will pay off in all the various ways I'd like them to pay off.
So, hooray! Happy 2 years NED! I celebrated with a photo shoot!
It has been very important to me to document my breast cancer journey, as real and honestly as possible. For myself, but also for others. Because you don't know what you don't know. And knowledge is power. Knowledge is empathy. Knowledge is love. And the World needs so much more of that. I will never claim to know everything about breast cancer, or cancer in general, simply because I've lived it, but I do know my own personal experience. So that's what I can share. And I hope, in doing so, others who have no experience with cancer, can gain some knowledge, insight, and empathy. And for those that have walked the cancer path, I hope they can feel a little less alone on their journey.
I eventually want to do something real with my experience. Curate it into something tangible and meaningful. But for now, my priority is on continuing to heal. For however long that might take me. In the mean time, I have two blog posts I've written on my breast cancer journey to offer you. They are not anywhere as organized or complete as I would want them to be, but I've got to start somewhere. This is the start.
I've entitled this curation of my journey "And Still She Blooms." Right now, there is a chemotherapy chapter, and a mastectomy chapter. Eventually, at some point, I hope to do a survivorship chapter that highlights life and healing post treatment.
If interested, click the links below to be taken to each chapter of And Still She Blooms. Keep in mind the mastectomy chapter has photos of a mastectomy and the early healing months. Some images have been barred out to try to keep them tasteful, while still showing the reality that I'm striving to show.
2 years and counting.
With love, Mama Hauck
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