Today was my 7th targeted immunotherapy infusion, which means I am officially halfway. I know this is something to celebrate, and I am, but I am also filled with so much sadness and bitterness.
I know I should be exclaiming, "Yay! Halfway done!"
But instead I'm saying, "I can't believe I'm only halfway done...."
This cancer journey just drags on and on and on. I want so badly to be done. I know I'm getting there....I know there is light at the end of the tunnel, but it's hard to keep the positive mind frame and always see the good when I am still suffering with some lasting side effects of chemo that greatly affect me physically. When I'm still living with so much fear. So much anxiety and trauma. I don't know how to move past that.
Anyway. 7 done, 7 more to go. My immunotherapy infusions started in September, and if all continues to go according to plan, I should be done in June. Afterwards, either that same month or in July, I should be able to have the surgery to have my port removed. That'll be a good day.
In the mean time, throughout these next months, I'll start my hormone therapy pill, tamoxifen. I'll be going in for routine echocardiograms. I'll have my yearly mammogram on my unaffected right breast. I'll go in for an appointment with my mastectomy surgeon and reconstruction surgeon to check the healing of my mastectomy and implants. I'll see my new naturopathic oncologist again to check in. And I'm sure they'll be some other appointments thrown in there as well.
And if all goes as it should, if all goes well, this summer will see me closing the chapter on my active cancer treatment and I can finally feel comfortable enough to say I'm living in remission. I can begin to heal my mind. I can begin to move forward with no active treatment, just health eating, healthy living, supplements, sunshine, and hopefully with a reduction in the amount of chemo side effects I've been dealing with.
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