Molly has been playing volleyball for years now, both on the Middle School team and club volleyball. We're about halfway through the season and, as always, she is kicking ass. She is kind, supportive, hard working, and resilient.
However, not everything has been sunshine and rainbows. There seems to be this unfortunate trend where she doesn't get to be on the team she wants to be on. This year, she didn't get on A team with all the other 8th graders, she was placed on B team with the 7th graders and only one other 8th grader who hadn't played volleyball before. As a Mama, this immediately ruffled my feathers. But, as a rational Mama, I knew I needed to put in the time to try to see the whole picture before I jumped to conclusions.
I put in the time. Seeing the whole picture was complete boleshit. Year after year I progressively get a distaste for people who play favorites and only see the worth of size or what your last name is. This is a HUGE issue in my community. We do not have a prominent last name in this community. And Molly will always be on the shorter side. Why people equate a small stature with small skills will forever boggle my mind. But here we are regardless.
I have seen time and time again that it's not always about skill. If it was, Molly would be on A team with the rest of the girls she has played with for years now, and a few of the A team girls would be on B team. I've been to every game. I've watched. I've listened. It's hard to sit there and keep my thoughts to myself...as well as off my face. At the end of the day I am not the coaches, and so it wasn't my call. But don't think I don't know it's all about your name, and who you know, and if you've got the height that all coaches want for their volleyball players. I see this over and over and over again.
Of course I wanted to go to the coaches and ask them to divulge their reasoning behind their decision making, but I am one who supports a child speaking up and sharing their thoughts and feelings and dealing with a problem themselves first. You can't always swoop in. However, Molly didn't want to speak up and share her thoughts and feelings with the coaches about their judgement on her team placement. That was her call. And trust me when I say if I did it, I would only be seen as "that mom" and Molly would most definitely face further discrimination.
And so Molly plays for B team, and she is having a great season. We talked about working hard and always playing your best. We talked about playing the sport for the love of the sport. We talked about being kind and supportive....something a lot of girls this age are lacking. We talked about facing discrimination and coming out the other side stronger, more confident, and resilient. We talked about it being ok to share your thoughts and feelings in a respectful manner, and really listening to any response given objectively, simply because you should always say what's on your mind and heart, and listen to others, and not necessarily because you expect the situation to change.
I might not have swooped in and saved the day for Molly so she could get what she wanted....and deserved.....but I sure as hell am raising a tough girl who knows her worth....even when others can't see it.
I see you, Molly Lynn.
Now please enjoy this collection of kick-ass photos! Molly is #5.
We love you and are so damn proud of you, Molly. Keep being you. It will pay off.
With love,
Mama Hauck
