In My Survivor Era

I bought a new sweatshirt off of Etsy a couple weeks back. And with the end of my active infusion treatments, and with the removal of my port, I felt it fitting to take a couple photos in my new sweatshirt. 

It says, "In my survival era." 

And I am. Though it feels so strange to say that. So strange to be done with active treatment. 

I feel a little lost. Unsure of what to do now. Unsure of next steps. 

And because of that, it feels weird to say I am now entering survivorship. Entering my survivor era. 

Maybe the more I wear it, the more I'll feel it, the more I'll own it. 

I don't know. 

One second I'm blissfully happy to be done with treatment and to be coming up on 1 year "no evidence of disease," and the next I'm wanting to cry because I still feel so overwhelmed, so sad, so lost, with so much fear and anxiety. I feel a bit crazy at times. 

Survivorship. This stage is a bit lonely. They don't tell you that part. I'm still formulating my thoughts and feelings on it all, and hope to share that within the next few weeks. 

Until then, here's my mini "In My Survivor Era" photoshoot. 

With love,

Mama Hauck