And This Year.....

Today is my birthday. 

2 years ago, on my 36th birthday, I found the lump in my breast. 

1 year ago, on my 37th birthday, I walked out of the hospital after undergoing a mastectomy. 

And this year, on my 38th birthday.....I'm just trying to heal from all the trauma I've endured. 

I deeply appreciated waking up to gifts and cards from Sammy, the kids, and my Dad. But I didn't want to go anywhere. I didn't want to do anything. And I didn't want to see anyone. In truth, I've been feeling pretty melancholy all day. 

I stayed in bed for half the day, feeling quite worn out and unwell from the festivities the day before (blog post to come of my 1 Year No Evidence of Disease party soon). I finally got out of bed and showered. Then I headed to my hammock for the rest of the day. Eyes closed. Just resting. Trying not to think. Trying not to feel. Soaking up the rare moment of calm. 

I wonder how many years need to pass before I feel like I want to celebrate my birthday again, instead of wanting to ignore it because of the trauma that surrounds it. 

With love,

Mama Hauck