October has been a hard month for me. I mean, every month has been. But I'm feeling particularly depressed and yuck due to the immunotherapy infusions. They are nothing like chemo, of course, but I've been getting a lot of headaches and muscle and joint pain.
On top of that, I'm dealing with weird eyelid inflammation issues. I got really bad styes on my eyelids last Spring during chemo, and now it's all raised and swollen where I had one of the styes. Like scar tissue maybe? I don't know. It's like the stye never completely went away. Also, my eyes are all gunky every morning, and my eyelids get red and swollen and have this awful prickling/stitching sensation. I feel like it happens out of the blue, and it'll be bad for a few days before calming down. But before I know it, another eyelid flare comes along. I don't know why all of a sudden this is happening, but its incredibly depressing. I don't know if it's a gland issue or what. I've stopped wearing eye makeup hoping to not make it any worse. And now I don't want to leave the house because I can't put makeup on and I feel really self conscious when I'm in a flare. I don't mean to be vain.....it's just my looks and self esteem have taken so many blows this past year, I really cant handle one more thing.
Anyway. I hope I can get this issue figured out. I'm tired of it always being something. I try to stay positive and just take everything in stride, but it's hard sometimes. I want so badly to be done with this whole cancer journey.
With all that said, I haven't wanted to leave the house and go do much. As you know, we did visit the pumpkin patch when my family was visiting. And we did carve pumpkins with the Grandparents. But we never visited the corn maze with our friends like we usually like to do, we didn't go to the Hood River Fall Fest, and we didn't hike the pipeline trail. The kids did go to Trunk or Treat with Sam and their friends, but I had a headache, so stayed home. Sam only got two photos that night, so I don't have much to share Trunk or Treat wise, and Molly had already taken off with her friends, so wasn't even in the group photo.
Ah well. Next year will be better, right?
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