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Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Heaven

Back on April 2nd, our good friend and Sam's Godmother, Joanie, passed away. She was family. Ever since I had known her, shortly after meeting Sam back in 2005, she had unfortunately been ill or in pain with one thing or another, in varying degrees, due to her psoriatic arthritis and the many complications that came along with it, as well as the side effects that came along with treating it. 

While her passing is incredibly saddening, hard to cope with, and we miss her terribly.....we try to take comfort in the fact that she is no longer in pain. She deserved to not be in pain anymore.  

We are planning a trip out to see and spend time with her husband Mike, as well as visit Joanie's resting place, sometime soon. It'll be a hard trip, but a needed one. And it will be so good to see Mike. 

Anthony and Molly know and understand that Joanie has passed. Tim, not so much. He's just turned 5. He was there with the other two when we told them, but I think it all just flew right over his head. Anthony was quite upset, as I knew he would be, sweet boy. 

I knew I needed to talk to Timothy about it more before we go, but I didn't really know how to broach the topic with him. Death is hard. Gosh, what do I say? How do we talk about it without making it sound scary?

I casually brought it up today that we were going to Mike and Joanie's to spend time with Mike. I added that we were going to see where Joanie was buried (she's cremated and has a memorial spot, but easier for the sake of kid conversation to say buried), because, if he remembered us telling him, she had died and now she was in Heaven. 

I'm not going to try to recall and write down word for word how our close to 10 minute conversation went, but I will tell you all the questions that this sweet boy asked me during our conversation, and you'll be able to get the jist of how it went and his train of thought.    

How did she die? 
And she's in the ground? 
Heaven? 
Why do your legs and arms and head and stuff go in the ground, but your heart and brain go to Heaven?
What is a soul?
So your heart and stuff?
Your legs and arms and stuff go in the ground and your soul goes to Heaven? 
So like you float? 
And in Heaven you can't die again? 
Where is Heaven? 
And God is there? 
Why is He in the sky? Like in the clouds? And He lives there?
Like in a city?
Just in the sky? Everywhere? Like all over?
Why do people think He is in the sky? 
Like everywhere?
Why can't I see Him? 
Believe in Him? 
He looks over all the dead people? 
And us too? On the whole World?
How can He do everything, all of that?
Any you believe in Him for Him to look over you?
You think of Him and He thinks of you? 
Why do some people not believe in Him?
What does God look like?
I think I don't know what he looks like, people know? 
And she is there? In the Heaven sky? All I see is blue and a cloud. 

It was probably the hardest conversation I've ever had to have. Not because of the subject, though I did have to try hard to compose myself so as to not startle him, but because how do you find the right words to help a 5 year old understand, even just a little? 

His questions just blew me away. Such innocent and honest questions out of a 5 year old's mind. I didn't know what to expect when we started our conversation, but I think I did ok, and I think for now it's enough. I'm emotionally exhausted, but I think talking to a 5 year old helped me

When Anthony and Molly got off the bus this afternoon, Anthony told me about how he learned today that the father of a classmate died of a heart attack. Right then Timothy chirped up, "Guys, did you know God is in the sky and when you die your soul goes up to Him in Heaven." Word for word, that is exactly what he said. 

Wow.  


We are loving and missing you, Joanie. We are thankful for the many happy memories and photos we have to look back on. We have lots of kiddo hugs heading Mike's way here soon! And we will continue our annual visits to your home because we can think of no better way to show our love to Mike and honor your life than to continue that tradition we had all come to look forward to, enjoy, and love. 

With love,
Mama Hauck

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