Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Weekend Getaway

This past weekend we were able to get out of town for a quick visit to Sam's Godmother's place. We got lucky weather wise....it was suppose to be cloudy and rainy the whole time we were there, but other than some rain on Friday, it turned out to be a sunny, beautiful weekend. 

Sam and I really enjoy our time there. We've been going on weekend getaways since we met...long before the kids came into the picture. 

The kids equally enjoy their time there. Since it isn't pool time yet, the kids had to find other ways to occupy their time. Anthony got to do a little wood carving work with Mike, he really liked that. We took walks around the lush yard, played frisbee, discovered how much fun a leaf blower can be, took a dip in the hot tub, did a little shopping, and went fishing in their backyard stream with the fishing pool Anthony made. I'd say fishing was the highlight of our weekend. Anthony really got a kick out of making his own fishing pole with a large stick, string, and wire. We dug for worms....but no one would put the worm on the hook, so Mama had too. LOL Eventually, Anthony worked up the courage to hook a worm with Jonie's help. We never did catch any fish, but that didn't matter. It was just so awesome watching the kids have a good time. 

Hopefully we'll be able to get back that way come summer time when their pool is ready. Those summer trips are always our favorites! 

With love,
Mama Hauck

Monday, April 27, 2015

In This Moment

In this moment,

it's not that the outside world does not exist....

It's simply that in this moment,

it slowly fades away

and nothing else matters

except for my world. 

With love,
Mama Hauck

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Cute.....And The Self Doubting Inner Voice.

The other day I was in my bedroom when I heard a knock on the door. Anthony comes in with a sad look on his face and I knew I was about to hear some sort of concern from the depths of his young, sensitive soul. 

"What's the matter, Anthony?"
"Mama, I just have this feeling that when you grow up you're not cute anymore." he said while looking at himself in the mirror and shaking his head.
"What, Honey!?"
"Like when I look at Timothy I think, 'he's so cute!' because he's just little and adorable, but when I look at myself and when you get older I think, 'you're not so cute anymore.' I just think that."
"Did someone say something to you about the way you look?" I asked while my eyes searched his face, deciding if what he would say next would be truth or lie. 
"No, I'm just saying I think that. I think you don't look so cute when you get older."
"Ohhhh Anthony, you're my child! You will always be cute and I will always think you're cute, no matter what age you are. People are cute when they are babies and people are cute when they get older. It's just a different kind of cute. I'm older and I'm still cute, right?"
"Yes!" he said with a grin. 
"Well there 'ya go. Nothing to worry about. And thank you for saying I'm cute." 

Part of me wants to laugh, what a silly thing for an almost 8 year old boy to be worried about! "Am I not cute anymore because I'm getting older!?" WHAT!? How absurd. But yet, the other part of me wants to cry. Where the hell did that come from? Is someone saying something to him about his looks? Well that would piss me off. Why does he think he doesn't measure up? He's 8. Is this starting already? I know I can't shield my children from everything, but I thought I'd been doing a good job teaching my children self love. Why is he comparing himself to his almost 3 year old brother? Is it because I snuggle Tim more and he thinks I love him more? Is it because he and I struggle over home work most every afternoon? Is it because I yelled at him this morning over untied shoes? Is it my fault somehow? Shit, it's my fault, isn't it? 

There it is. The blame. The self doubting inner voice. The self doubting inner voice of parenthood. 

Ooooook Mama. Deep breathes. Practice what you preach. Put into practice what you tell your children. No, you're not perfect, you make mistakes, but at least you try your best. Squash that blaming and self doubting inner voice. You are not somehow, unwittingly, destroying your child's self esteem and self love. 

Or am I? Damn it...there's that inner voice again. No wonder I have conversations like this with my son, I gave him my self doubting gene.  

The truth is, I never really know with Anthony. This child of mine is living proof that people are not black and white, but a million shades of gray. It could be something, it could be nothing. I might not ever know. 

I sat Anthony down and we went on to discuss how looks aren't everything and it's more important to have a beautiful heart and soul than to worry about a beautiful face....something I've talked with all the kids about before, on many occasions. 

Moments like these make me wonder if I'm doing a good enough job being their Mama. ....and then I have to tell myself to shut up. Of course I am. Look at them. 

Or am I? 

I don't know what your inner voice sounds like, Anthony. But don't let it sound like mine. You have your whole life to be filled with various degrees of self doubt. Fully love yourself now, before I can not shield you from the world that will try to teach you otherwise. 

With love,
Mama Hauck

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Make A Wish

Picking and making wishes on dandelions is a right of passage. I don't know a single child (or adult for that matter!) that hasn't taken delight in making a wish on a dandelion. 

Timothy discovered the fun of dandelions about a week or so ago. He ran around with Molly picking all the dandelions he could find and bringing them to us so we could make a wish and help him blow all the seeds off and watch them float away on the breeze. 

The other day I was sitting outside on the porch while Timothy ran around the yard. Then from down the yard I could see him running towards me. As he got closer, I could hear that he was giggling while looking down at something in his hands. Then I heard him say, "Flower for Mama, Mama happy! Yes, Mama Happy!" 

He stumbled up the porch steps and proudly displayed his two dandelions. 

"Oh Timothy!" I said while giggling along with him, "Look what you have!"
"Mama flower! Mama happy!"
"Aww, Tim! Yes! I see! That does make me happy! Should we make a wish?" 

Then I made a wish and blew on mine and Tim...maybe made a wish...and blew on his. 

Oh my gosh, that moment filled my heart with happiness and joy! Thank you for that wish, Tim. You are the most thoughtful child. 

With love,
Mama Huack

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Get Air

Over the kiddo's spring break, I met up with a friend and her kiddos and we went to Get Air Trampoline Park in Yakima, WA. 

It was our first time going and the kids had a BLAST! Even Timothy, who was skeptical at first, wound up throwing caution to the wind and had a great time jumping. 

I'm thinking we're going to go there for Timothy's birthday. He'd totally get a kick out of that. His birthday is May 11th, a Monday, and yes....the older kiddos have school. A few more years and Timothy will be in school as well. But we've already decided that no kiddo of ours will ever go to school on their birthday. Birthdays are special. So very special. It should be a crime to have a birthday during the school months! Haha My birthday is in July, I never had to do school on my birthday. Holy hell, I can't even imagine sitting in math or Spanish class on my birthday. Torture. So it's settled....no school on anyone's birthday. Ever. End of discussion. 

We will play hooky instead. Sam from work, the older kids from school. We will drive to Yakima and jump and jump and jump. Then eat lunch and cake. We will have a grand 'ol time because birthdays only come once a year and the years fly by and damn it, you've got to live while you can.

Let the birthday planning begin!  

With love,
Mama Hauck