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Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Bittersweet

I love watching my babies grow. I love watching them learn something new. I love watching them explore and delight in all that life has to offer them. Watching them live gives my life meaning. 

Sometimes though, it pains my heart so much I can't bare it and the tears flow. There is a heaviness in my chest that at times feels so crushing and the lump in my throat a suffocating rock.

I swear it is the most bittersweet thing in the world to watch your babies grow. How do you balance the love, joy, and chaos of the present, the hope and excitement for the future, and the sadness over the time that's gone by far too quickly?

Timothy will be a year old in a little over a month. I can not even begin to wrap my head around the fact that it has almost been a year since this.....


How has it almost been a year? It seems impossible. He's growing too fast. Changing too fast. Thinking of not having a baby in the house is choking me up.

I always have such a hard time around the time leading up to my children's birthdays. The gravity of them growing up and no longer being as I remembered them just gets me.

With love,
Mama Hauck

3 comments:

  1. YES! It is very bittersweet. My oldest is 11...soon to be 12....waaaaaaa!!!!! But to watch him grow and become a little man is such an honor. BTW...LOVE your waterbirth pics....I have a pic of me holding my daughter immediately after my waterbirth - i have the same "oh my gosh i am exhausted and blessed and thank GOD its over" face on!!!!

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  2. Oh I know that feeling well. My little Ethan is not so little anymore, he's starting to speak in sentences and tell me "No kisses!". He thinks it's hilarious, I think it's heartbreaking. But maybe I just kiss him too much (in his opinion...in my opinion,I can't quite give his little cheeks enough kisses!). These kids are growing too fast for my taste. I'm still undecided if Tim and I will have a baby....we talk about it all the time and have a time line for when we will decide for sure. My only requirement is that we're married because I want to do it right this time around. I think ultimately we will....after 2 1/2 years of thinking that I was probably done, I'm starting to get baby fever again (seeing all these adorable photos of your little guy doesn't help!) and I think Tim and I would make a pretty adorable little bug. And that bug would be little, we're both so short, lol. He is such a great father to these three that are not biologically his own and I am excited about the prospect of going through everything from the beginning with him. It's nice to dream about but I'm just not 100% there yet. If we do, that's the last one though, of this I'm certain!

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