Friday, August 31, 2012

My Big Boy

Soccer is going well! Last night Anthony had his second practice and he's doing great! He seems to really enjoy it and being around the other kids. His friend Matthew is on his team and they are just a hoot to watch. Molly, Sammy, Timothy, and I set up a towel in the grass with water bottles and a snack and watched all the kids practice from there. Sam was joking with me about this being the first of hundreds of practices we will go to in our life as parents.

Wednesday we had Anthony's open house for Kindergarten! When I told him that morning we had his open house that night, he was pretty excited. He's on the Blue team with Wilkins. For the first two months, he'll go all day, every other day. Then starting in November, he'll go all day everyday. His good friend Matthew has Wilkins, but is on the red team. So they wont actually be in class together until November when it changes to everyday. Don't ask me why it's all like this, I do not know. All day seems like such a long time for a 5 year old to be at school when just the previous year at Preschool, it was only 3 days a week for 2 1/2 hours. It'll be an adjustment for him, as well as myself. I still have to figure out how my morning routine with 3 kiddos will go, trying to get Anthony to the bus stop 3 miles away on time. Wish me luck.

Anyway, so we get there and we find his classroom. They had a checklist of things we had to do. Find his locker, find his desk, put away the classroom goodies (every kiddo was asked to bring a pack of pencils, 2 packs of crayons, 2 glue sticks, a box of tissues, and some sort of snack), and fill out 3 tags for the bus. Anthony walked around and found his locker, desk, and checked out the room and all the cool toys and books and stuff. Of course he found some legos and made it a point to show me where they were. :) We met Mrs. Wilkins and the Principle, then got a photo of Anthony and Matthew before taking off to walk the rest of the school. I wanted to make sure he remembered where the bathroom was and could make it back to his classroom, no matter where he was in the school. He did a good job remembering and I'm so proud of him!

I felt a bit anxious while there (Am I lame or what!?), but I don't think anyone could tell. I liked seeing Anthony's classroom and him sitting at his desk with his little cup of crayons and stuff by him. I think it'll help me form a nice mental picture of him all cute at his desk when I'm missing him at home. Going to the school with Anthony has helped put my mind at ease a bit. And I've done my best to get him ready. Now all we're waiting for is next Thursday! His first day or Kindergarten!

Such a big boy. 

With love,
Mama Hauck

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

A Year Ago Today

A year ago today, God heard my heart.

We wouldn't find out we were pregnant till September 8th, but August 28th would be the day my body would start nurturing this precious little life I had prayed for, so I celebrate this day!

The road would be hard. I remember the moment I thought I had lost this little life. The sight of so much bright red blood and blood clots was devastating and I curled up on the couch and bawled for hours until I cried myself to sleep.

The next morning I took myself to the doctor where I was treated very poorly. She questioned if I was even pregnant to begin with, wondering how I could be 6 weeks along already (by my calculations....and I was right) when I had just been in to her office to have my IUD removed. My blood boiled at the thought of her denying my baby its existence. I would have many lows while in this doctor's care before kicking her to the curb and having my Midwife take on all my care.

Blood results and an ultrasound had my heart fluttering. At 6 weeks my little one was still there, though its future viability was still unknown. It's heart rate was low, extremely low, and my uterus was overwhelmed with blood clots.....further threatening my little one's life.

3 agonizing weeks went by filled with 2 more blood tests, 2 more ultrasounds, and 2 emergency room visits before I would finally breathe a sigh of relief. My heart soared when my little one's strong and fast heart beat filled the air. I cried on the ultrasound table.

But I wasn't out of the woods yet. I later found out I was bleeding due to a subchorionic hematoma. This bleeding happened off an on, lasting until 24 weeks and I panicked each and every time, wondering if this meant it was time to say goodbye to my little one.......my little one who we found out Christmas morning was a boy.......my little Timothy Thomas!

Even after the bleeding stopped I was still on edge, always wondering if it would return. I feel as if I tiptoed through the whole first half of my pregnancy and so desperately wanted to enjoy the last half. But I later dealt with food poisoning and off and on contractions, making me fearful of premature labor. And I still continuously wondered what damage the subchorionic hematoma had done and if everything would turn out alright in the end. Worry tends to take it's toll.

The day Timothy was born I can not even begin to describe the love that filled the room. It was amazing. Born into his Papa's hands and placed upon my heart. Safe and sound. Happy and healthy. Thank God!

Afterwards my Midwife and Midwife Assistant would exam the placenta and reveal to me it's battle-torn state. It was awful. Hardly healthy at all. It was grayish and lumpy and hard and calcified in spots. There were blood clots on it and pieces hanging on by a thread. It's a miracle it sustained Timothy in the womb at all. It's a miracle he is here. A MIRACLE. I cried, so very thankful to have Timothy here and sleeping soundly in the arms that longed to hold him. 

Timothy is now 3 1/2 months old and growing like a little weed! 

A year ago today I didn't yet know the journey that lay ahead.
Today, and every day, I am thanking God for listening to my heart.

With love,
Mama Hauck

Monday, August 27, 2012

I'll Cry If I Want To

School is coming. Anthony starts September 6th and Molly starts the 11th.

I'm in panic mode. 

I'm so anxious I could throw up. 

I feel like EVERYTHING is about to change. 

Gosh, sometimes I just don't do well with change. 

And I fret too much. WAY too much.

I picture Anthony getting on the bus and going, "Wait....what about my booster seat? There's no seat belts on this thing? But Mama says I always have to wear a seat belt. What about my drink cup? You mean I don't get to have my fucking drink cup!?" Ok....maybe without the swearing. That part is all me. What about when he's in class and has to use the bathroom? Will he know to ask if he has to go? Will he worry about how clean he got his bum? He worries about that, you know. Is he going to stand there, pants at his ankles in the little boy's room wondering who the crap is going to check his bum!?

Oh my. 

And why does Kindergarten have to be ALL day? Really? You're going to take my boy away from me from 7:30 in the morning till 4 in the afternoon (this includes bus time....we live out in the boonies, remember?)? Damn you school!! This is FAR too long for me to be without him. 


I know all will be well and I'm getting myself all worked up over nothing, but I'm a Mama and that's how I roll. And yes, I also know I'm being a little selfish with not wanting to share him with the world, but this big boy school thing is all new to me and I'm having a hard time coping.

And Molly? That little bird is ready to fly. She's practically running out the front door to preschool. 

I don't remember giving time permission to fly when I blinked.

Today Anthony has his first soccer meet (the one I talked about a bit ago wound up not being a meet for him....how annoying. He was so sad when I tried to explain to him the mix up.). He'll have his meets every Monday and Thursday at 6. Games will be on Saturdays. This will go till the end of October. Then I think I'm going to get him into wrestling. I heard that's free and a few of Anthony's friends will be doing it. That'll be something fun him and Sam can do together in the evenings.

Tomorrow Anthony and Molly have their 5 and 3 year well child check ups. Sam will actually be taking off work early to take them so I don't have to fuss with a baby and two children who might be getting vaccinations. I'll enjoy the break from doctor visit duty and spend my time with Timothy getting a few projects done at home that I've been wanting to do. Or maybe I'll go and wait in the car. Either way, not stepping foot in the doctor's office will be great.

Wednesday we have a play date at the park with one of Anthony's friends, then it's his Kindergarten open house at 5:30. I'll be sure to plaster a smile on my face even though I'll be crying on the inside. 

Thursday it's another soccer practice. 

Sunday we have a birthday party to go to. 

Monday soccer practice and another birthday party. 

Wednesday Molly has her open house at the preschool. 

Thursday......Yeah, that's Anthony's first day of school. Lord help me to not cry like a baby at the bus stop! 

Throw in the following week Molly's first day of school, Sam being gone to Denver for a week, and a baby shower and you have one physically, mentally, and emotionally tired Mama! I only assume that busy schedule will just continue to go on and on and on from here on out.

Welcome to the life of a Mama with school aged children!

Don't tell me not to, because I'll cry if I want to.

With love,
Mama Hauck

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Ahhh, The Coast. How I Love Thee.

The family and I took a trip to the Oregon coast the last weekend of July (why am I just now getting around to this post? Because life has been hectic recently and there's no slowing down in sight! I feel like it takes me a year to do one blog post now a days!). We headed to Garibaldi, a little town by Tillamook, where our friend Tim and his family have a beach house. We've been there multiple times before, and this was our second time going for their annual family crab boil. Isn't it nice that another family invites you to participate in one of their special traditions?

We had a ton of fun, despite me being sick...and Timothy....and Molly. *sigh* I was sick during last years too. At least I didn't come home with bronchitis this time! We got there Thursday evening and jumped right into enjoying ourselves with a hot dog dinner capped off with some smores.

Friday morning Sam, Tim, and Tim's dad Mike took Anthony and they all went crabbing. It was Anthony's very first time and I heard he had a blast!

Afterwards, the family and I went down town to walk around and look at all the little booths people had set up. The last weekend in July is Garibaldi Days and the town was packed with people. Molly got herself a little "tattoo" and we got some yummy kettle corn. We then headed to the beach we LOVE to go to each time we head out that way. I don't really know the correct name, but I just call it Tillamook beach. We had such a grand time! Anthony and Molly played in the sand and ran around in the water, getting their pants soaked. Sam carried Timothy in the carry pack so I could take photos. Next time he'll be big enough to enjoy the beach too. I'm excited for that day to come. I love watching my babies run around enjoying the beauty that I love so much.

After the beach we headed back to the beach house where Tim's family was starting to filter in. We relaxed the rest of the night around the camp fire, eating hamburgers and chatting. I hit the hay early with Timothy so the two of us would hopefully feel a little better for Saturday, the crab boil!

Saturday morning Anthony went crabbing with Sam again. Mols, Timothy, and I stayed behind and enjoyed a nice breakfast of blueberry pancakes courtesy of Tim's mom, Christy. When the boys got back, we walked down town where Garibaldi Days was still being celebrated to watch a parade! It was awesome! Molly had a HUGE candy stash....I swear the people were throwing it right at her cause she's just so darn cute. :)

After the parade we headed to Tillamook to go to a few stores. I wanted a coffee, Anthony needed a new sweatshirt, and there was a petting zoo we wanted to take the kids to. By the time we finished all that I was soooooooooooo tired. I actually felt worse Saturday than I had Thursday or Friday. Boo. We picked up some medicine and I was able to take a two hour nap while Sam watched the kids back at the beach house.

I woke up feeling much better. Not cured, but better none the less. We decided to continue on with our plans to meet up with one of Tim's aunt's, Amber, and her husband and daughter and go to a different beach. Anthony and Molly had a great time playing with sweet Olivia and I enjoyed talking to Amber, an amateur photographer like myself!

After the beach it was officially crab boil time! All of the Evan's family had made it to the beach house along with a few of Tim's personal friends, one being my gal pal Mariah and her family. Nice!! We got the kids all set up with some food and then everyone sat around the fire and enjoyed a feast of crab, corn, potatoes, chips, and salad. Oh it was tasty!! Everyone had a great time eating, chumming it up and having a few drinks. The kids were running around having a good time and life just felt grand! Soon it was dark and the Garibaldi Days fireworks were starting! Such a great way to end a fun day. And did I mention that Sam had Timothy in the carry pack for like 4 hours so I could enjoy myself talking with all the gals sans baby? Well he did. And it was great. Like the night before though, I took Timothy and we hit the hay early. Being sick just made me exhausted.

Sunday we weren't in any rush to leave. We took our time packing things up, eating breakfast, and saying bye. I spent some time with another of Tim's Aunts, Kathleen, and let her get in some Timothy snuggle time before leaving.

Another great time at the Evans' beach house! THANKS!!

With love,
Mama Hauck