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Thursday, September 27, 2012

Here Comes The lie

Anthony had soccer practice yesterday, so I had to whip something up real quick so we could concentrate on getting ready and making it on time; a noodle dish, and it was delicious. Anthony has been Mr. Picky for quite some time now, so it didn't surprise me when he claimed the dinner I had made was yucky. However, he WAS going to eat it. Otherwise soccer practice wouldn't go well because I'd have a hungry, grumpy boy on my hands. It was a battle getting him to eat, but I told him if he didn't clean his bowl, we weren't going to soccer.

He used every excuse in the book.....

"This is too yucky for kids."
"You gave me too much."
"I'm full."
"I'll finish it tonight."

"Not working, my dear boy. Eat your dinner or no soccer practice. Do you want to go to soccer practice? Yes? Then eat your dinner."

Molly gobbled her dinner up and I left the kitchen with her to get her cleaned up and ready to go. That's when I heard it. The screech of the chair against the floor......the garbage lid.....and the clinking of a fork against a bowl. 

I walked back to the kitchen and there was Anthony standing with an empty bowl, about to put it in the dishwasher. 

"Anthony, did you eat your dinner?" I looked him right in the eyes, waiting for his answer. Hoping, praying, WILLING him to tell me the truth. But.....here it comes, here comes the lie......

"Yes." 

My heart sank. Don't lie Anthony. Please don't lie. I wanted to give him a second chance. "Are you sure you ate it? You didn't throw it away in the garbage?"

"I ate it."

I could feel the tears welling up in me and this wave of disappointment washed over me. Am I a bad Mama if my boy doesn't tell the truth? Just tell me the truth, Anthony! "Think hard, Anthony, and tell me the truth. Did you eat it or throw it away."

"Mama! I ate it!" 

I opened up the garbage and found what I knew I would find and I just about cried as I stared at his noodles piled on top of trash in the garbage. "No soccer practice tonight, Anthony. Not only did you not eat your dinner like I asked you to do, but you threw it away when I wasn't looking and then you didn't tell me the truth when I asked you what you did with it. I'm not mad at you, but this makes Mama sad. You should always tell me the truth." 

Then off he went crying to his bedroom. 



Am I a big, mean Mama?? Would you have said no to soccer too? Was that too much? The thing is....I think if you don't stand your ground and keep your word then they'll forever walk all over you, thinking you're a push over. You have to be consistent, right? Right. But then sometimes I wonder if I need to mellow out a bit. Am I too much of a stick in the mud? Am I too strict? Do I need to take a chill pill and......Holy hell parenting should come with a hand book.

You know, it's not like he hasn't lied before. I always get the, "Molly did it! Not me!" even though I know it was him. Those are those little generic lies that EVERY kid says and I expect that. Recently, since school, he's been acting....different. A little more naughty. A little more resistant. Talking back a little more. A little more quick to get angry or upset and throw a fit. Not willing to listen. Just not like Anthony. Not my little Anthony. He's too cool for Mama and Papa now I guess. Is it school? Is it his age? Is it me? ......So I had really, really, REALLY, hoped he would have told me the truth last night. I really needed to hear it. Just so I could be reassured that *my* Anthony is still in there and this is just some weird *not Anthony* stage he's going through. 

My heart usually doesn't break over a lie, but this time it did. I feel like this lie symbolizes the one thing I hate the most....my children growing up and my lack of control over that.

This is hard. I can't cope. 

With love,
Mama Hauck


4 comments:

  1. I would have done the same thing. You gave him an out and he stuck by the lie. I know it's hard to be "mean," but who better to do it than parents? :)

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  2. I would have done the same thing. I'm struggling with setting boundaries right now because I don't want to take fun things away from the kids but I don't think they should get away with behavior that they know is wrong. Especially when they've been warned about the consequences and they still make the choice to do the wrong thing.
    Honestly, Calvin is lying to me all the time right now and I get so disappointed every time he does it. He knows he's lying, I know he's lying and I just don't know what to do about it.
    I'm also having issues with Piper. She is such a handful since she started school. No control over her emotions, constantly testing the limits and just a struggle to deal with on a day to day basis. But at school? She does great! She had one incident in the beginning of the year but it's been smooth sailing ever since. Her teacher told me she is the sweetest girl (and I know she is but she doesn't show it much at home these days). I've read before that kids save that type of behavior for home because they know they can't get away with it anywhere else. Home is their place to test things and let their emotions run free because that's where they feel safe and they know that we love them no matter what. Or something like that...I'll have to see if I can find it again.

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  3. I'm glad you ladies agree with what I did. It makes me feel a lot better and more confident with my disciplinary decisions!

    Lori, ohhh gosh. I know it's not fun, but THANK YOU for sharing that. It's good to know Anthony isn't the only one having issues right now. It must be the age and school. He is definitely having a hard time controlling his emotions....he gets so upset so easily and just has a complete melt down! At one point I was thinking, "Where the heck did I go wrong!?" It's super frustrating to watch them not act like the sweet kiddo you know. But I really do think it's the age and being in school now and like you said, it's safe at home so there's no better place to test the boundaries and spread their wings than at home! It's made me rethink how I respond to him....I can't even raise my voice without him completely shutting down and making his fit worse. So I need to remember to keep my cool, no matter what, and think about how he's feeling and what he's trying to get at. *sigh* Parenting is by far the hardest job in the world!!!

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  4. It's the age, testing boundaries. Seeing what can be gotten away with. You played it right and I'll tell ya, I know a lot of people who say they're thankful their parents were strict with them. No discipline in the beginning usually means trouble down the road.

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