Tuesday, August 28, 2012

A Year Ago Today

A year ago today, God heard my heart.

We wouldn't find out we were pregnant till September 8th, but August 28th would be the day my body would start nurturing this precious little life I had prayed for, so I celebrate this day!

The road would be hard. I remember the moment I thought I had lost this little life. The sight of so much bright red blood and blood clots was devastating and I curled up on the couch and bawled for hours until I cried myself to sleep.

The next morning I took myself to the doctor where I was treated very poorly. She questioned if I was even pregnant to begin with, wondering how I could be 6 weeks along already (by my calculations....and I was right) when I had just been in to her office to have my IUD removed. My blood boiled at the thought of her denying my baby its existence. I would have many lows while in this doctor's care before kicking her to the curb and having my Midwife take on all my care.

Blood results and an ultrasound had my heart fluttering. At 6 weeks my little one was still there, though its future viability was still unknown. It's heart rate was low, extremely low, and my uterus was overwhelmed with blood clots.....further threatening my little one's life.

3 agonizing weeks went by filled with 2 more blood tests, 2 more ultrasounds, and 2 emergency room visits before I would finally breathe a sigh of relief. My heart soared when my little one's strong and fast heart beat filled the air. I cried on the ultrasound table.

But I wasn't out of the woods yet. I later found out I was bleeding due to a subchorionic hematoma. This bleeding happened off an on, lasting until 24 weeks and I panicked each and every time, wondering if this meant it was time to say goodbye to my little one.......my little one who we found out Christmas morning was a boy.......my little Timothy Thomas!

Even after the bleeding stopped I was still on edge, always wondering if it would return. I feel as if I tiptoed through the whole first half of my pregnancy and so desperately wanted to enjoy the last half. But I later dealt with food poisoning and off and on contractions, making me fearful of premature labor. And I still continuously wondered what damage the subchorionic hematoma had done and if everything would turn out alright in the end. Worry tends to take it's toll.

The day Timothy was born I can not even begin to describe the love that filled the room. It was amazing. Born into his Papa's hands and placed upon my heart. Safe and sound. Happy and healthy. Thank God!

Afterwards my Midwife and Midwife Assistant would exam the placenta and reveal to me it's battle-torn state. It was awful. Hardly healthy at all. It was grayish and lumpy and hard and calcified in spots. There were blood clots on it and pieces hanging on by a thread. It's a miracle it sustained Timothy in the womb at all. It's a miracle he is here. A MIRACLE. I cried, so very thankful to have Timothy here and sleeping soundly in the arms that longed to hold him. 

Timothy is now 3 1/2 months old and growing like a little weed! 

A year ago today I didn't yet know the journey that lay ahead.
Today, and every day, I am thanking God for listening to my heart.

With love,
Mama Hauck


  1. Even though I read your blog through your whole journey, this still brought tears to my eyes. He is such a sweet little guy and he looks just like his big brother! You have a beautiful family.
    Kind of getting baby fever again reading your blog and seeing all your pictures. Honestly, up to a few months ago I would have said that I was completely done having kids. I love my little bugs but three is such a handful and I couldn't even imagine being pregnant again and adding a fourth! But Tim and I have been talking about the future and possibility of having one together (in a few years and wedding will most definitely come first) and I'm pretty excited about the prospect. I loved being pregnant but I don't feel like I had the ideal experience because I didn't have much support or help from the children's father and I know Tim would be the complete opposite. So, there is definitely the possibility of another little bug in my life and for now, I can just revel in your pictures and stories and dream about my own future (and definitely final, lol) little bundle of love :)

  2. Definitely crying over here!!! On the happy side, that picture of little T holding the blanket? My favorite to date! Such a sweet face!! Lucky mama and lucky little boy! :)

    P.S. Thanks for all the love over at my place. Your comments always bring me a sense of calm and happiness. I am lucky to have you as my blog friend. :)

  3. I can honestly say that hearing you were pregnant was one of the highlights of last year for me. I was indescribably happy for you.

    Equally devastated when it seemed you had lost the baby.

    Through your pregnancy, as you shared your journey with us, I prayed as you and Sam did that you'd be blessed with a healthy new addition to your family. And when you delivered, though I'm someone hundreds of miles away who has never met any of you I released a breath that felt to be held for months, broke down and cried. And celebrated as if I were there with you.

  4. I also want to add that while the maternity photos are absolutely gorgeous, the most beautiful pictures are those of a happy and healthy Timothy with the family. You were a fighter long before I ever met you Becca and you've won one of your greatest battles here.

  5. LOVE it. So wonderful. I had waterbirth too and there is nothing like a midwife and such a natural approach to birth and parenting! :)

  6. @ Lori...that would be SO exciting!!!! Nothing better than creating a child with the man you love! You have a super bright future in front of you and I'm happy for you. You're a great, strong Mama. :)

    @Veronica...Thank you! He is a cutie! And you're welcome! I really, REALLY enjoy following your family. You guys are so stinkin cute!! Your girls just absolutely melt my heart.

    @Barry...Thanks for always being such a great support and always having kind words for me. It's much appreciated!

    @Mommyhood...That's fantastic! I agree. My two hospital births were quite lovely, but I really enjoyed our home birth and am glad we did it. It was AWESOME, words really can't describe how wonderful it was. I would make the same decision again in a heart beat should a 4th be in our future.


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