A year ago today, God heard my heart.
We wouldn't find out we were pregnant till September 8th, but August 28th would be the day my body would start nurturing this precious little life I had prayed for, so I celebrate this day!
The road would be hard. I remember the moment I thought I had lost this little life. The sight of so much bright red blood and blood clots was devastating and I curled up on the couch and bawled for hours until I cried myself to sleep.
The next morning I took myself to the doctor where I was treated very poorly. She questioned if I was even pregnant to begin with, wondering how I could be 6 weeks along already (by my calculations....and I was right) when I had just been in to her office to have my IUD removed. My blood boiled at the thought of her denying my baby its existence. I would have many lows while in this doctor's care before kicking her to the curb and having my Midwife take on all my care.
Blood results and an ultrasound had my heart fluttering. At 6 weeks my little one was still there, though its future viability was still unknown. It's heart rate was low, extremely low, and my uterus was overwhelmed with blood clots.....further threatening my little one's life.
3 agonizing weeks went by filled with 2 more blood tests, 2 more ultrasounds, and 2 emergency room visits before I would finally breathe a sigh of relief. My heart soared when my little one's strong and fast heart beat filled the air. I cried on the ultrasound table.
But I wasn't out of the woods yet. I later found out I was bleeding due to a subchorionic hematoma. This bleeding happened off an on, lasting until 24 weeks and I panicked each and every time, wondering if this meant it was time to say goodbye to my little one.......my little one who we found out Christmas morning was a boy.......my little Timothy Thomas!
Even after the bleeding stopped I was still on edge, always wondering if it would return. I feel as if I tiptoed through the whole first half of my pregnancy and so desperately wanted to enjoy the last half. But I later dealt with food poisoning and off and on contractions, making me fearful of premature labor. And I still continuously wondered what damage the subchorionic hematoma had done and if everything would turn out alright in the end. Worry tends to take it's toll.
The day Timothy was born I can not even begin to describe the love that filled the room. It was amazing. Born into his Papa's hands and placed upon my heart. Safe and sound. Happy and healthy. Thank God!
Afterwards my Midwife and Midwife Assistant would exam the placenta and reveal to me it's battle-torn state. It was awful. Hardly healthy at all. It was grayish and lumpy and hard and calcified in spots. There were blood clots on it and pieces hanging on by a thread. It's a miracle it sustained Timothy in the womb at all. It's a miracle he is here. A MIRACLE. I cried, so very thankful to have Timothy here and sleeping soundly in the arms that longed to hold him.
A year ago today I didn't yet know the journey that lay ahead.
Today, and every day, I am thanking God for listening to my heart.
With love,Mama Hauck