I've been given permission by a friend to share a story with you, names, dates, details and all, that I've been really wanting to share because it has deeply touched me and made me think.
Last October my friend Brittany's fiance, Vinny, committed suicide. You might remember THIS POST I wrote back on October 19th where I mentioned how a friend had lost a loved one and how I was searching for the right words to say. I do not know the details surrounding his death. Such things don't need to be known to be touched by this story. It makes no difference to me how he died, all that mattered was my friend was in despair over the loss of her love and it crushed me beyond words.
After Vinny's death it was apparent how miserable Brittany and her daughter, Mariah, were. Brittany used Facebook as one way of venting her feelings and I read and followed every single word she said and cried for her. Not a day went by I wasn't thinking about her, wishing there was something I could do or say to take away her pain. How do you recover from something like this? How do you go from having your best friend, your lover, your soul mate with you one day and then the next they're gone? Not gone for the day. Not gone on a trip. Not gone because they decided to move away or something. GONE. Dead. Never coming back again. EVER. I kept thinking how in the hell does someone even begin to deal with this. My heart broke for Brittany and I made it a point to pray every day for her that some relief, however it may come, would find it's way to her.
Over the next couple of months, which I'm sure just dragged for Brittany, I kept tabs on her and marveled at her ability to even roll out of bed each morning. I don't know how she did it. I pictured myself not even wanting to breathe, let alone carry on with school and caring for a 6 year old daughter. True she probably didn't want to breathe anymore, didn't want to carry on.....but she did have a choice. She could have given up. Many people called her strong. I called her strong. Brittany swore up and down she wasn't as strong as people were saying she was. But how else was she still rising to face each and every day? Sometimes, even in your darkest hour when you are feeling your weakest and believe that you can't go on....not even for one more second....you will find it in you somewhere to keep going just because that's who you are. Brittany can deny her strength till she's blue in the face but I can guarantee you will not meet someone who knows her that will use the word "weak" to describe her.
I remember the first time Brittany said she had made an appointment to go see a psychic. She needed answers. She needed some sort of closure....if even just a little. Something, anything, to hold on to. Something, anything, to help her cope and lift some weight off her shoulders. Where was Vinny? Was he ok? Can he hear her when she talks to him? Will she ever see him again?
I'm a believer in God, though my beliefs may be different from yours. I do not believe in Creation, but in Evolution. I do not take the stories in the Bible.....such as Noah's Ark and the flood.....to be literal, but that it is the moral of the story and the message of the Bible as a whole that we should pay attention to. I do not believe I have to go to/belong to a church to feel close to or believe in God. He is everywhere, in all things, at all times. I believe he hears us when we pray....and even when we don't. I believe we are very much in control of our destiny, though He always has a say in it and a helping hand, one way or another. I think all people need something to believe in. I think believing helps us strive to be better people. Believing can help carry us through a life that isn't always as grand as we wish. Believing gives us hope that something better can be just right around the corner.
To preface her visit with the psychic, let me just say there was no way the psychic had any prior knowledge of Brittany and her life or the reason for her appointment. When she called to make the appointment, someone else took the phone call and only took her first name. There was no way for anyone to look up any information on her with just her first name. Brittany went into her appointment with the psychic never having talked to nor previously seen her. And she didn't offer any information to the psychic once in her appointment whatsoever. She only confirmed what the psychic said was true after she told her. Brittany said she also didn't ask any questions. The psychic just knew her questions and answered them. With all this said....
The psychic knew Brittany's fiance's name was Vincent and described him well. Brittany was told Vinny was in Heaven. She knew Vinny's death was a suicide and that Brittany had been worried he was in Purgatory because of this. He wasn't. He was in Heaven with his Uncle Joey and a German Shepard....Vinny's mother had a German Shepard that had recently passed away. The psychic knew Brittany was in school and going to be a lawyer. She knew her schooling was taking longer than it was suppose to, but that she needed to stick it out. She described Mariah, Brittany's young daughter, perfectly and said she's an old soul and senses Vinny quite often. Something Brittany had already been certain of based off of conversations she had had with her daughter. The psychic told Brittany that Vinny's job in Heaven is to help and protect children who have died. Interestingly, much earlier Mariah said she had a dream where Vinny was an Angel and he came to her in her dream and he was surrounded by ten baby Angels (never ignore what comes out of the mouth of children!!). She said Vinny tries to send Brittany signs, but she needs to open up her eyes and ears. He sends her songs, something Brittany felt and was sure of a few times before. The psychic said that when Brittany talks to him, he can always hear her, but she needs to talk out loud....another question Brittany had on her mind. Before going in to the appointment, she put a photo of Vinny in her purse....something she never did....and the psychic knew this.
There were other things the psychic told Brittany. That Brittany was the love of Vinny's life and the two were soul mates and very much meant to be together, but Vinny was meant to die young. The suicide was very much out of his character, but it didn't matter how he died because it was always meant to be and it was his time. Brittany said that was very hard for her to hear. She also said his suicide was not Brittany's fault and had nothing to do with her....something that had been weighing on her excessively. She was told things about her mother. Things about someone older and wonderful Vinny will be sending her. Things about what is to come of Brittany and her daughter in the future. Good things. I hope it all plays out to be true.
Brittany told me this experience with the psychic was much needed and simply amazing. She wasn't a believer and would continue not to believe unless the psychic rocked her world. Well, her world was rocked. This was life changing for her. It lifted a huge weight off her shoulders. And although she will never recover and get over loosing her fiance, knowing where he is, that he's alright, and that she will one day see him again has given her the strength to carry on with life and begin to heal. It wont be easy, but it's do-able and there is light out there at the end of the tunnel.
Reading everything Brittany said absolutely blew me away. Not only was I incredibly happy and relieved that she had a such positive experience and had many of her questions answered, but I was left pondering things myself. How could the psychic have possibly known all those things and been so spot on? How?? It's hard for me to put into words exactly how her experience has made me feel. The fact that her daughter had a dream of Vinny where he was an Angel with baby Angels all around him, and then Brittany was told Vinny's job in Heaven was to protect children? Totally blew me away!! Just....wow. I definitely cried when I told Sammy this part of Brittany's psychic appointment. I never really gave much thought to Heaven; to what happens to you or where you go, if anywhere, when you die. This has definitely made me rethink all of that. It's strangely made me want to strive to be the very best person I can be. I know we all want that of ourselves anyway, but reading her words really puts everything into perspective for me and gives me a new found desire to just be a better me, in every way, shape and form. It's made me look at the people and things I know I take for granted and has given me a new found appreciation for them. I think we all take things and people for granted, we simply get use to the life we are living and the people in it and don't always take the time to give the proper thanks for it all or realize just how lucky we really are.
Please stop and take the time, daily, to give thanks for all the wonderful things and people in your life. Don't always be in such a rush, forgetting to actually enjoy the ride. Strive to do what you believe is the right thing, regardless of what others around you may think. Don't judge others, you have no idea the struggles they have faced or continue to face in their lives. And always, always be hopeful....even when things seem dark.
With love,Mama Hauck