Monday, October 31, 2011

Cops and Kitties and Sailors, Oh My!


Here are the individual jello cups with gummy worms that I made for Anthony and his class mates last Friday. He was so excited to share his special snack with the class. I asked his teacher when I picked him up from school how the kids liked them and she said it was a hit. Yay!

I wasn't feeling very well at all Friday morning. It was a struggle to get Anthony to school, but there was no way he was going to miss it. It was his special line leader day! By noon time I was feeling better, just tired. Never the less, I had to get things rolling for the pumpkin carving shindig that started at 6! I had a gal pal come early at 5 to help me finish the food prep and it was a good thing she did. By the time she got there I was so nauseous I had to have her do ALL of the finishing food prep, lol. People showed up right on time and everyone chowed down (except me!). Then it was pumpkin carving time! We sprawled out on the living room floor and got to work! The kids had a GREAT time and it was so fun to watch them. I meant to take pics of all my sweet decorations and the food spread, but completely forgot. Ahh well.
I'm so glad everyone had a great time. And even though I wasn't feeling the best, the night was a great success! Hooray! 

Trunk or Treat! Saturday was a loooooong day. Sammy had the kids outside with him doing random projects most of the day. I took that opportunity to rest up. At 5 is was time to get the kiddos dressed up and head out for the Trunk or Treat. I can not explain to you how EXCITED they were to get into their costumes!! hahaha Ohhhhh we had so much fun! We walked up and down main street trick or treating from the cars parked there. It was sweet watching my babies have so much fun. Everyone loved Anthony's costume and thought Molly was the cutest little gal. I'd have to agree. ;) The kids got a fair amount of candy and were more than willing to head home as it was pretty cold out!

Originally the plan was to drop Sammy off at our friend's Halloween party and I was going to have a quiet evening with the kids because we failed to find a babysitter. However, the party hosts told us we were more than welcome to bring the kids with us, even though it was an adult only party, because they love the kids and are so well behaved. It was very kind of them to allow us to do that and I was STOKED because other than being slightly tired, I felt great! We got back to the house from Trunk or Treating at 7 and left for the party at 8. 

We had a great time! Our friends did an outstanding job decorating both the outside and inside of their home. The snacks were delicious and cleverly displayed. The kids were extremely well behaved and all the party goers thought they were sweet. Sam dressed up in his old Navy uniform and I wore a black jumpsuit I had back from high school, haha, and topped it with a tie. Knocked-up gangster? Everyone there had great costumes and it was nice to get out of the house and be among people and actually feel good. Come 11 the kids and I were getting pretty pooped out so we headed for home. If we hadn't had the kids with us and if I weren't pregnant, I would have tore that party up. I <3 Halloween.

We did not do family photos yesterday like I had wanted. I was tired, booo. I hope we can gather ourselves together to do them soon! I want to do it when the leaves are all still pretty. 

Today Anthony got to wear his Halloween costume to school. On the way to school he informed me that, "All the kids are going to think I'm cool!" HAHA It'll be sweet to see all the kids in their costumes when I go to pick him up here in a while. 

I don't think we'll be going out trick or treating tonight. I'd like to, but I'm not sure I'm up for walking around down town to get more candy that we don't need. So instead I think when Sam gets home we'll eat dinner then see about having a bon fire outside so we can roast some marshmallows. :) Then we'll put the kiddos to bed and stay up to watch a scary movie while we enjoy the last evening with our sweet Halloween decorations up. ;) 

Have a Happy Halloween everyone!

With love,
Mama Hauck

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Random Thought

I hate it when you go to bed at night and you can't turn your brain off. Thoughts are just swirling madly around and it's impossible to sleep. I have had so many random thoughts recently. 

Last night I was thinking when someone asks, "Hey, how are you?" "How are you doing?" "How have you been?".....I'm wondering how many of them actually care what your answer is? Like genuinely want to know and want to listen to what you have to say?

It matters to me. 

With love,
Mama Hauck

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Weekend Plans

I'm feeling extremely frustrated. Just when I think I might be out of the woods with my bleeding and such, It comes back in full force. I can go days with hardly anything, then have one day where I'm bleeding so much I'm tempted to cry my way to a doctor's office. I wish someone had an answer for me. Really, how much longer is this going to go on? I'll be 11 weeks on Sunday. How much longer will this go before it all stops? I saw my midwife this past weekend for a chat and I'm e-mailing her to keep her updated. I wrote to her this morning letting her know of my most recent bleeding and she wrote back, "You must have an area on the uterine lining where capillaries are large and close to the surface, and keep getting breakthrough bleeding. If that was under the placenta, it is doubtful that the baby would be doing so well, but we don't want you to keep bleeding even if it is not threatening the baby." Seems reasonable to me. Hopefully next week or the week after we will have our first official visit and make a decision on if I should go in for another ultrasound or what our next step should be. But as for now she told me to up my vitamin C as that will help strengthen blood vessels, get a food based multivitamin supplement, and continue to take the chlorophyll I was given which is suppose to help calm the bleeding. When I talked to her this weekend she said she thinks we should be able to hear the baby's heart beat with her hand held doppler soon. I hope so. Nothing is more reassuring than hearing your little one.

I'm so sick of talking about this. So sick of thinking about it. So sick of the fear and the worry. I'm sure ya'll are sick of hearing about it too......so sorry. I feel like SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS and crying. This isn't how things were suppose to go and It makes me angry.


In other news.....

Friday I'm having a PUMPKIN CARVING get together. I wasn't planning on doing anything this year, but I feel bad for the kids. I've been such a stick in the mud recently and they are stuck right there with me and my bad attitude. So I wanted to do something fun for them. I invite a handful or people and kiddos. I'm going to make stroganoff for the adults and pigs in a blanket for the kids. I'll also be making cupcakes. I have one couple bringing cookies, another bringing chips, and a third bringing a pasta salad. We'll eat, carve pumpkins, and possibly have a bon fire outside. I'm excited, though not looking forward to cleaning the house today....among other things. I'm having one gal come over early tomorrow to help me finish pulling the food together before people show up.   

Anthony is "line leader" tomorrow at school. With this comes the duty to provide a snack and drink for the whole class. I'm going to make jello for them. I've got medium sized clear cups I'll pour the jello in to and then I'm going to drop a gummy worm in each cup. Make it a little spooky for Halloween! I just have to cross my fingers that I feel good tomorrow. Anthony can't miss school if he's the snack provider and I can't be ill for my pumpkin carving shindig! 

Saturday is TRUNK OR TREAT day!!!! Every year people park their cars on main street and hand out candy from their trunk. It's geared towards the little ones who might not actually go out on Halloween. The kids are really excited to go. After Trunk or Treating, I'm dropping Sam off at a Halloween party our friends are holding. We can't find a babysitter, so looks like I wont be going. I'm assuming I'll be exhausted after trunk or treating as it is, so while I'm sad I wont be going to the party (cause I love Halloween so much!!!) I refuse to cry about it.

Sunday is void of plans. Maybe, just MAYBE we'll take some family photos. We haven't done that in a long while and it needs to be done. If not, then I plan to plant myself on the couch and relax while eating candy. :)

Monday is HALLOWEEN! Whoop! And Anthony gets to wear his costume to school. He is soooo stoked! I'm unsure if we will go out trick or treating or not. There really wont be a need to after doing the Trunk or Treat thing on Saturday. We'll see. Sam and I have a couple scary movies from Netflix we've been saving to watch. YAY! 

I hope everyone has a fantastic Halloween weekend, whatever your plans may be! 

With love,
Mama Hauck

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Songs To My Babies

I'm wondering if I'm the only one who has a song that is set aside in your heart specifically for your little one. Surely I'm not.

This one is for Anthony. I know Lynard Skynard is the original artist on the song, but I like the Shinedown version much better as it's a little more mellow. If I could sing, I would sing this to my little man every night. Shinedown, "Simple Man"

If you know me, even in the slightest, you'd know I am a huge Jack Johnson fan. So having this song be Molly's was perfect. It makes me cry. Jack Johnson, "My Little girl"

Few people knew it, but I had been struggling for close to a year and a half with deciding whether a third child was in our future. I can't even begin to tell you how it feels to have a battle between your heart and your head over something that defines who I am. My mind was telling me two was good, two made my beautiful family complete and I should be content with that. But my heart screamed for a third. After going back and forth for so long, the time to make a decision was fast approaching as I had my own ideas on how far apart in age I would allow my children to be. In August, after hearing this song, it's like this wave washed over me and I knew right then and there I would never forgive myself if we didn't at least try for a third. And, well, you know I now have a sweet baby on the way. :) My baby has a song even before he/she enters this world. Jason Mraz, "I'm Yours"

I also have a song that encompasses all three of my children and the feeling of being their Mama. You might recognize it from one of the Subaru commercials. Some people think he's singing about drugs and being high, but everyone interprets things differently. To me, it describes PERFECTLY the high I feel when I find out I'm pregnant and the love I have for my children. Sean Hayes, "Powerful Stuff"

Maybe they'll change in time. Who knows. But as for now I love these songs and they remind me of my kiddos when I hear them.

With love,
Mama Hauck

The Right Words

What are the right words to say to someone who has just lost a loved one? 

I'm sorry for your loss?

God has his reasons, though we might not know them?

Stay strong?

I don't think there are any, truly. In the deep depths of sorrow, I can't imagine I would want to hear any of that personally, so I refuse to say it to anyone. A really good friend from high school has recently lost her love and it has been made extremely clear by way of FB just how much misery she is in. My heart breaks for her and her daughter and I can't get them off my mind. I can't even imagine the pain she is feeling. You always wish you could find the right words, know the right action to make all the pain disappear. In truth, there is little I can do other than let her know I'm loving and thinking of her, which I have done multiple times already. I can't hop a plane and fly to NY to be by her side. I can't hold her hand through the service tomorrow or give her a shoulder to cry on. I can't do her laundry, cook her meals, or help care for her daughter. Those are all the things I would do to make up for the words I don't have for her.

The road that lays ahead for her isn't one that I would want to walk. Other's loss and grief puts your own life into perspective.

With love,
Mama Hauck

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Oh Drama, Please End. Thank You.

Wowza. I try to avoid drama like it's the plague. I don't enjoy it at all. So why does this pregnancy have to be filled with so much of it??

Friday Anthony missed preschool because I wasn't feeling well. I couldn't pull myself together to get him out the door. The whole day I felt pretty blah. That night, at about 6, I started having excruciating abdominal pain. The only way I can describe it is this: it felt like either my insides were doused in acid or my stomach had been split and my guts were spilling out. Gross, I know. With clenched teeth I headed to bed at 9:30 with the conviction that the pain would lessen or go away allowing me to sleep. If not I could at least make it till morning and would head to the ER then. 30 minutes later, at 10, I had Sam calling the neighbor to come over while the kids slept so we could go to the ER.

The drive to the ER was torturous. 20 torturous minutes. We get there and I could barely walk. My thoughts were maybe an advance UTI, but that test came back negative. I ran them through my most recent history of bleeding and blood clots and a low fetal heart rate all the while gagging and dry heaving in a puke bag, shaking from my nerves. I couldn't sit still....no position made my abdominal pain any better and I was starting to worry....a lot. The ER Dr. got a copy of my last ultrasound report done on the 5th and looked it over. At the very bottom it said something I was never told about...."possible small cyst on left ovary." Are you kidding me? Why wasn't that brought to my attention when the Dr (whom remember, I am NOT a fan of) called to tell me the baby's heart rate was low and she expected a negative outcome? You would think that would be information I am entitled to know. Grrr. The ER couldn't give me an ultrasound to check on the status of the baby or check for a cyst because they didn't have one available at nights or on the weekend. They didn't even have a hand held doppler they could use. The ER Dr. called the OB in the Dalles (an hours drive from me and the place Molly was born) for a phone consultation. In the end, both Dr's best guesses as to what was wrong was either a UTI that just happened to come up negative with the test, a cyst, or.....they didn't know. I was given some vicodin (some may be against taking vicodin in pregnancy....I've done my research and have drawn my own conclusions and was fine with taking it) for the pain with instructions to go to the ER in the Dalles in the morning.

Unhappy and worried, Sammy and I left. What was wrong with me? Was the baby ok? At that point I felt so low. Why couldn't I have a normal pregnancy!? How much more stress, anxiety, and fear could I endure? On the drive home I puked with fury. And just like that, my pain was gone. Incredible. Food poisoning? Had the force of my puking ruptured a cyst? I was glad the pain vanished, leaving only tenderness when I pressed my belly, but bewildered over the whole thing. We got home, I ate some pretzels, took a nausea pill and half a vicodin, and went to bed.

Saturday morning we made our way to the Dalles ER. We thought I'd be given an ultrasound to figure out what was wrong and check up on the baby, but turns out that wasn't the case. They didn't have ultrasound on the weekend like the ER Dr. in my town had thought. It would cost us big bucks to have someone called in to get me one. And since I was no longer in any pain, it was apparent my life wasn't immediately at stake, lol, and so I could wait longer for one. I was extremely disappointed. All I wanted to know was if the baby was ok. The OB Dr. on call was called down to the ER and I ran through my most recent medical history again. He told me if I could hang in there till Monday, I could go to his office and have my ultrasound. He was very kind, but upfront. He told me with the baby having a low heart beat as of the last ultrasound, the next one would show one of two things: a baby with a now normal heart beat, or a baby with no heart beat at all. Of course I knew this, but hearing it said aloud made me feel incredibly hopeless. He called me courageous for dealing with all of this stress and then we left. 

Monday morning rolls around and I call the office as soon as they open. I scheduled an appointment at 4. When it came time, I took the kids to a friend's place and off I went alone. Sam couldn't get off work. I felt scared, anxious, and lonely. I saw a different OB than the one who talked to me in the ER, but that was fine....he was incredibly sweet and empathetic. I ran through my most recent history AGAIN. We wasted no time getting me the ultrasound.....there was one right in the exam room. The Dr. had his own screen, but then there was one placed on the ceiling for me to see as I layed on the ultrasound bed. Fancy shmancy. 

My heart raced and I felt a wave of nausea rush over me as he placed the wand on my belly. I couldn't help but hold my breath. It seemed like an eternity, but in reality it was 2 seconds and I heard him say, "Well the heart beat looks great!" I started bawling and he asked if I wanted a tissue and then asked if I was ok, lol. The relief I felt is indescribable. A HEART BEAT! And a perfect one at that!!! A strong 162.....way up from a low 73 (which I discovered was the number from the copy of the ultrasound report the ER had given me). I apologized for crying, but he told me he understood. He told me I was brave for having gone so long not knowing the fate of the baby and dealing with all the stress. He measured the baby and the measurements were spot on....9 weeks 1 day. I saw the baby wiggle and listened to the heartbeat and felt as if I were in heaven. As for any cysts or blood clots, he said he didn't see anything, that everything looked normal. I suppose I'll never know exactly why I had that horrific pain Friday evening. And I'm hoping this means the majority of my bleeding will come to an end. 
I left the appointment feeling so thankful. A weight was lifted off my shoulders and I can finally breathe a sigh of relief. I really want to start enjoying this pregnancy and I'm ready to let go of all those negative and fearful thoughts and feelings I have been harboring. I don't want to waste another minute more wondering if my baby is ok or if I'm going to miscarry. I'm half inclined to call the Dr. I was seeing here in town and rub my good news in her face and yell at her for being so pessimistic and telling me my pregnancy was doomed. Victory is sweet!! I'm glad to have a little fighter on my hands.

So, without further adieu, pictures of the little one as of yesterday at 9 weeks 1 day. Due date May 20th! ;) 

No more pregnancy drama, please!! From here on out I want smooth sailing! Well, as smooth as can be expected. haha

With love,
Mama Hauck

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Please Excuse Me While I Eat.....Like A Whale

Garlic bread
Drum Stick ice cream cones
Freezer waffles with butter
Artisan bread with butter
Chocolate.....in all forms.....brownies, chocolate chip cookies, pancakes with chocolate chips in them, pie, candy bars, etc. etc.
Chicken Bacon Ranch sub from SubWay
Tortilla chips with melted cheddar cheese on top

These are just a few of the things I can't seem to get enough of right now. My sweet tooth and need for starches are out of control. lol

Half the time I'm so ill I'm dry heaving in the kitchen sink. Or shower. Or toilet. Or barf bucket. So when I'm not ill, I eat without guilt. ;)

When I was pregnant with Anthony, some notable cravings were brown beans, peanut butter, gummy worms, McDonalds, and BBQ ribs. With Molly, things I remember craving were garlic bread, peanut butter, peanuts, chocolate, and hamburger. With both kids I wanted cake with frosting.....vanilla, chocolate.....it made no difference as long as the whole container of frosting was slathered on the cake for me to enjoy. 

I know the "eating for two" saying is just a myth and you only really need an extra 300 calories per day when pregnant....but I choose to indulge on my every craving. Keeps me happy. :)

With love,
Mama Hauck

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Pumpkin Patch

Yesterday we hit up a pumpkin patch! And no, we didn't go to the Roloff Farm (Little People Big World) like we did last year. That was lots of fun, yes, but the thought of driving all the way (and past) Portland and being around TONS of people on a farm that was extremely commercialized and overpriced made me want to crawl back into bed and go to sleep. LOL

Instead we drove an hour to Toppennish (close to Yakima) and went to a smaller place that had a huge corn maze, animals, a kiddo sized hay maze and slide play area, and an area to pick out your pumpkins. My only disappointment was there wasn't any real "pumpkin patch"....it was just an area where they trucked in the pumpkins and set them about for you to choose. Booo. But you know, the kids had a great time and there's always next year to go to a different place. I found one close to Portland that not only has a pumpkin patch, but apple picking and hay rides and apple cider and donuts. Just like the place I went to as a kid growing up in NY. We'll do that one next year when I'm not so exhausted I feel like keeling over.

We packed our own cooler lunch so we didn't have to spend money on food and set aside a set amount of money to spend on pumpkins. This was a grand idea. The first thing we did was go in the corn maze. Molly had a BLAST! She played leader the whole way. Anthony had a good time until about 20 minutes in when he started to cry. We asked him why he was crying and he said because we were lost and he was scared! Poor sweet boy, lol. We went a little further then wound up turning around and going out the way we came, hahaha. Lame we couldn't find our way out, but we had a great time watching the kids run through the corn deciding which way to go. I was EXHAUSTED anyway......so I had no problem with turning back and heading out. :) 

 Next we headed over to see the little animals they had there and then the kiddy hay maze. Now that was more the kids' style. Oh gosh, it was soooo funny watching them run through it! All I could see was Anthony's head bobbing up and down and for Molly, I could only hear her little giggling. Sam and I went through it with the kids once before I had to sit back and watch. Anthony ran through it a good 3 times while Sam and Molly played monster. Too funny.

After the hay maze, the kids found the huge hay stack that had slides. Their eyes got all wide with excitement and they spent a good 20 minutes just climbing up the hay and going down the slides. Lastly, we picked out pumpkins and hit the road.

Hooray for fall! 

With love,
Mama Hauck