Wednesday, September 28, 2011

My Absence.....Prayers Needed

Hello friends, it's been a while since I've been on and I'm ready to share with ya'll the reason for my absence. 

On the 9th of this month I anxiously awaited the results of a home pregnancy test. I was over the moon when I saw those two little pink lines pop up. Pregnant!!!! :) 

My joy was short lived though. On Sunday, the 18th, I started bleeding and passed a few clots and completely FREAKED out. Always having normal pregnancies and having never experienced heavy bleeding while pregnant before, I crumbled into a pile of tears, convinced I had just lost the baby. 

The next day, Monday, I dropped Anthony off at preschool and went to the doctor here in my small town with Molly in tow. It was not a good appointment. I described everything that went on and the doctor looked at me as if she wasn't convinced I was even pregnant. It was insulting. And she wouldn't give me an exam because I had Molly with me. In all honesty, I was pissed. I was at least able to head to the hospital to get a blood draw to test my hCG levels.

Wednesday, the 21st, I took Anthony to preschool, left Molly with a friend, and met Sam back at the doctor. My blood draw had come back and showed my levels placed me at round about 6 weeks. I almost laughed in the doctors face. I also knew this meant I hadn't miscarried and felt some relief wash over me. She immediately scheduled another blood draw and an ultrasound for the same day.

Sam had to go back to work so I had to go to the ultrasound alone. It was awful. The ultrasound tech wasn't allowed to show me the screen or tell me anything. I layed there for close to an hour in uncomfortable silence as she did her work. When she was finished, she told me the doctor would call me with the results. I was mad she couldn't give me at least a little hint of information. Had she seen my baby? What did she see??  Hours later the doctor called and gave me the news. There was a gestational sac (though, she wouldn't tell me whether there was a baby in it or not), and I had many, many uterine blood clots. I have no idea why I have them, how they got there, etc. etc. I hate how they don't tell you anything. All I know is that is the cause for my horrible cramps and bleeding. The doctor told me, very matter of factly, that she predicted that I would miscarry and all I could do was sit back and wait. I got off the phone feeling down and confused. Why wouldn't anyone tell me about my baby!?

Saturday, the 24th, my midwife Lorri came over after I contacted her about all that was going on. I plan to use a midwife and have a home birth if, God willing, my pregnancy plays out......but that is something I will talk more about later. I filled Lorri in on the events and she graciously offered to attend my next ultrasound with me. 

I have felt miserable since the 18th. Just so ill....cramping and bleeding and passing disgusting blood clots. Nausea, vomiting and exhaustion. Headaches, dizziness, and overall just feeling blah and out of sorts. I've been stressed to the max and fearful of all my bleeding and the thought of loosing my baby. I haven't wanted to talk to anyone or be around anyone. It's been difficult for me to get out of bed in the morning, feeling as ill as I do, and get myself out the door to get Anthony to preschool. This past week and a half have been my worst.

Today was my ultrasound. Sam took the morning off work to bring Anthony to school and hang out with Mols while My midwife and I did the ultrasound. I was thankful to have Lorri there with me and even more thankful to see a different ultrasound tech....a sweet old lady who had done the ultrasound for Molly. After she did what she needed to do, she turned the screen to me and showed me the baby's heartbeat. I immediately started crying, I was so thankful to see that heartbeat! The ultrasound tech wasn't able to tell me much herself, but the whole reason Lorri came was so she could tell me and lend support. She said the baby's position looked good and the heartbeat and blood flow from the placenta and through the cord looked great as well.

I still have a moderate amount of blood and blood clots in my uterus. Why? Why am I STILL bleeding!?  She mentioned a subchorionic hemorrhage? What the hell is that? I read up about it HERE and am completely freaked out. :( But Lorri says she is confident I'll either just continue to bleed and pass it all or it will stay put without harm to the baby. I hope she's right. All this continued bleeding really has me fearful.

We talked a bit about what I should be doing....no stairs, no lifting of anything, no running....pretty much nothing that will jolt my body. I have to sit back and take it easy, something I've been trying to do, but it's hard with two kiddos running around and having to take one of them to preschool 3x a week. My midwife also specializes in herbs and natural remedies, so she gave me chlorophyll (it's a green liquid that smells and tastes a bit like mouthwash) that is suppose to help with the bleeding. I also received a small bottle of a herbal tincture that is suppose to help with stress and calming the body. I will pass along her website for those interested in checking her out: Midwife Site , Herb site

I'm relived and excited to know my baby is there and well as of right now. I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. However, I know I'm not out of the woods just yet with this new talk of a Subchorionic hemorrhage. I'm praying these remaining blood clots will either pass or be absorbed by my body here shortly without any harm to the baby and the source of the bleeding will.....stop? I'm trying my best now to let go of the stress and fear and just relax. I'm fairly certain I will be having another ultrasound next week or the week after to check on progress and hopefully establish a due date. My calculations had me in week 7, the ultrasound tech placed me at "not quite 7 weeks" so there is a couple day discrepancy that should hopefully be cleared up a bit better come my next ultrasound. I'm looking forward to seeing the baby again and getting my due date!

I also wanted to take the time to thank my mother, father, husband, Lorri, and a few of my friends.....Barry, Jill, Molly, and Becky. Sam has done much of the housework around the house as I have taken up residence in bed or on the couch when I'm not caring for the kids. I'm thankful he is my husband and so understanding and supportive even with my wild, emotional mood swings. My mother and father have been a welcome sounding board when I've needed someone to listen and a source of comfort. Lorri has already gone above and beyond as a midwife by accompanying me to my ultrasound and being so kind and lending her support to  me. And the friends I've mentioned have gone out of their way with e-mails, texts, cards of support, and offers to help in any way to show they care for me in this difficult time.

I would love it if you all would keep me in your prayers. It would be greatly appreciated!! I need all the prayers I can get for my health as well as the health of my baby.

With love,
Mama Hauck

Friday, September 16, 2011


Two Saturdays ago there was this freaken awesome dino show on the discovery channel. The kids were crushed when it was bed time because the show wasn't over with and they wanted so badly to finish watching it. Soooooo we decided to have a fun sleepover in Mama and Papa's room!!! :) Ohhh garsh you should have seen the excitement on their faces when we told them! I knew they would fall asleep within 10 minutes before the show was over with anyway, so it was a win-win situation. I'm thinking we'll do that once a month or so. It was a special treat for them and they slept like little logs.

I <3 sleepovers with my babies AND dino shows. ;) 

With love,
Mama Hauck

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

It's The Simple Things....

Anthony and Molly received new p.j.'s as a gift from their grandma, grandpa, and aunt. Molly was soooo excited I had to snap some cute photos of her. She could hardly wait for me to get them on her and once on, she clapped her hands, checked her self out, and jumped up and down on her bed, lol. The next morning when it was time to get her dressed she cried because she didn't want to take her p.j.'s off! Who would have thought new p.j.'s could make a silly little gal so excited!

I think I need some new p.j.'s!! 

With love,
Mama Hauck

Monday, September 12, 2011

Hardest. Thing. Ever.

This morning I could tell Anthony was a little anxious about school. I tried my best to get him amped up and by the time we headed outside to take some "going to school" photos, he seemed just dandy. The whole 20 minute drive to town went great. We talked about what he wanted for lunch after school and how Papa wanted Anthony to call him right away to tell him all about his day. I felt positive and held out hope that things would go well and there wouldn't be any tears....but I know my little man well and in the back of my head I was trying to prepare myself for tears. He's such a shy, sensitive boy. Very different from all the other little boys I've come across. 

I close my eyes and try to picture what he will be like when he's older. I have a feeling he's going to be the more quiet, sensitive, reserved man. Very polite and sincere with a heart of gold and a very empathetic nature. Hard working, intuitive, and as sharp as a thumb tack. And heaven help the boy that ever breaks his little sister's heart. He is her fierce protector already. I saw it last weekend when we were at our neighbor's b-day party down on the river. 

We walked into the school and Anthony immediately clammed up. I had this nagging feeling there would be tears soon. I coaxed him into letting me take a photo of him in the hallway holding the homework he was given at the open house. (It's stinkin' cute....we had to trace our feet on the piece of paper and then help decorate the feet however Anthony wanted).

And then we walked into the classroom. Ohhhhhh it was all downhill from there. We hadn't walked more than two feet in the room when I turned and saw his bottom lip quiver and my heart dropped. I knew it was going to be hard. :( I walked him over to his back pack cubby and gave him hugs and kisses and tried my best to reassure him that everything was going to be alright. I was doing my best to choke back my tears, but that was easier said than done. He kept telling me not to leave him there and crying and snotting all over me. It was horrible. The teacher came over and helped me eventually calm him down by persuading him to help her get out the play dough. I should have left then, but I didn't think it was wise of me to turn and disappear on him so instead Mols and I went to the other room where Anthony and the other kids began to play with the play dough. And then, just like magic, he was fine!! I was relieved that he calmed down. I snapped a few photos of him doing play dough then went to get Molly so we could leave with Anthony in good spirits. Darn that Molly! She started to cry once she realized she couldn't stay (lol, she wants to go to school soooo bad!) which in turn made Anthony start crying again. By this point I was starting to feel ill with anxiety and uncomfortable under the gaze of all the other parents watching and listening to my voice crack while talking to Anthony. One of the other mother's tried to help by trying to take Anthony by the hand to show him some toy tools, but that just made his cry turn into a bawl and I feel bad because I think I may have shot that mom a (unintentional!!!!) dirty look while Anthony bolted across the room back to my side. *sigh* Thank goodness the teacher came to help again before I blubbered like a baby. She convinced Anthony to play train with her back in the first room and with that I just kissed Anthony on the head, swooped Molly up, and got the hell out of there. 

Hardest thing I've had to do in regards to my children. Honest. His crying face just absolutely broke my heart.

One funny story.....one of the moms was telling the other parents how she woke up at 6am and made eggs and sausage and pancakes. The kiddos started piping up telling the other kids and teacher what they had for breakfast. Waffles....homemade oatmeal.....eggs.....etc. etc. The teacher asked Anthony what he had for breakfast and he goes, "I had a yogurt! Oh, and a cracker!" HAHAHA! Yup, just count me out for mama of the year, alright? I fail at breakfast. Though, I thought a yogurt was a good choice. :) And for the record, he had more than ONE cracker. lol. I think it was more like 5.

I decided I didn't want to drive all the way home for the first day, so Mols and I went to the park. I needed the fresh air to calm my nerves relax me after that horrible ordeal. We stayed there for about an hour or so then went to the post office. We stopped at McDonalds to share a breakfast sandwich and a couple hash browns before going to the gas station to fuel up and clean out the car. We definitely wont be sticking around in town every day Anthony has preschool....there simple isn't enough things to do to fill the 2 1/2 hours he's in school in our small town. The park is fine for now, but wont be once it gets cold out. I'm thinking we'll stick around in town and find something to do (like visit a friend or go to the library) once a week and the other two days make the drive home and hang out at home for the hour and a half before heading back out. We'll figure out a routine. 

We got back to the school 15 minutes before pick up time and saw all the kids playing at the playground. I snapped this last photo of Anthony as he ran to catch up with the group as they headed back into the classroom.

Anthony came running out of the class and straight into my arms. It was the best feeling in the world. We got to the car and he exclaimed that he "loved school!!!!" :) I asked him what he did and he told me he played ball, he played on the playground, and he looked in the little telescope thing on the playground and "couldn't find Mama." OMG, break my fricken heart!! He told me he sang a firetruck song and had goldfish and lemonade for a snack. He told me he went potty and pulled up and snapped his shorts all by himself. I asked him if he liked the other kids and made friends and he said yes, but that he couldn't remember their names, lol. He said he had so much fun and loved school and was excited to go back. Then he told me he loved me and missed me. *sniffles* I told him I would ALWAYS come back and pick him up.

We will see how things go on Wednesday. Hopefully FAR better than today! I don't think my heart can take another morning like that. I'm confident Wednesday will be better. 

I'm so proud of my handsome little man!

With love,
Mama Hauck

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Preschool Jitters

Anthony's first day of preschool is TOMORROW!!! :) And actually, the jitters are mine. He, thank goodness, is excited to go. Yay!

He's got his first day of school outfit all picked out. His cute little red back pack is all set to go with an emergency information card, a change of clothing, and a few school goods like pencils, erasers, crayons, and kid safe scissors (not that he'll need any of that stuff, but it was fun for him to put it in there!). I've got my camera set out, ready to take those first important pictures of my little man going off to school. I've got my alarm set for 6am, an easy breakfast planned, and gas in the car. 

I think everything is going to be ok......until I turn around to leave him there and I'll probably cry, lol.

Wish my little guy luck on his first day of PRESCHOOL!!

As for a fire update, the fire is now 30% contained and we haven't had to evacuate. We are still on level II evacuation because winds are suppose to pick up tomorrow and as a precaution we still need to be ready to leave if need be. Personally, I think the threat for us is over. It's been amazing to see the support of the town for those who have been evacuated and have lost homes and property, as well as for the firefighters. 

 Goldedanle Fire

With love,
Mama Hauck 

Friday, September 9, 2011

Goldendale On Fire

I told you yesterday morning that there was a fire burning near me. It was 0 contained yesterday and is still 0 contained today. Sam got off work real early yesterday to make phone calls and assess our situation. We walked our horse over to a 40 acre field down the way where he will be with our friend's horses and be safe, even if the fire gets that way. We went hog wild with our sprinklers and diligently rotated them around the yard. We had little more to do than to sit back and wait. Wait to hear something. Wait to see something.

Round abouts 7 last night we walked to the end of our driveway and I took these photos. As a crow flies (that's talk for "in straight line") it's about 1 1/2 - 2 miles away.

We then went for a short drive around the area to scope things out and I took a few photos before running into a road block.

We went about our normal nightly routine, though it was tough for Sam and I to fall asleep. We watched the news and it was eerie to see our town on there with images of property up in flames and people camping out at the local fairgrounds with their livestock. At 11:30 I got up out of bed to take a look outside. The smoke in the yard was so thick and spooky. I half expected to see flames with deer and bunnies bounding across our yard like in Bambi. At 12:30 am we got a call from a friend in the firefighter mix letting us know we were put on Level II Evacuation. This means it is advised to pack and be ready to evacuate if the level for our home goes to Level III Evacuation. At 2:30am we had a deputy actually stop in and officially hand us the Level II notice. We then got up and grabbed all our most important belongings (baby books, computer, external with ALL my photos, checks, car titles, Sam's guns, my camera bag, etc. etc), toiletries, and clothing for everyone and placed it by the door. Sam went and pulled our suburban up to the house and cleaned it out, getting it ready. Having done that little preparation work, we tried our best to get some sleep. Sleep was futile though. It seemed every 30 minutes or so someone was calling.

The fire is currently about 1- 1 1/2 miles from my home. It's pretty much running parallel to us, but the winds here could pick up at any moment and change all that. The smoke is really thick all over Goldendale. Apparently, from what I've heard, the fire has burned 5,000 acres or so and has consumed about a dozen buildings. The Governor of WA was in town last night talking to evacuees and firefighters. The Red Cross is here along with other organizations setting up to help those affected. I'm crossing my fingers we are in the clear and it continues to stay parallel to us and not turn towards us. I don't particularly want to evacuate! The other end of the fire is out north of town. I don't think town its self is threatened, though obviously they are keeping most of their firefighters on that end. And you never know with fires.

Please keep my town in your thoughts. A lot of people have lost land and possessions.

To read more about the fire threatening my town, click: Goldendale Fire

With love,
Mama Hauck

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Preschool Open House Was A Success!

Currently there is a wild fire burning far too close for comfort. It started yesterday afternoon sometime north of our town. It has made it's way south, skipping town, but heading out towards my way to a road at mile marker 7. I live off a road at mile marker 10. Tons of people in the fire's path have been evacuated from their homes and we're kinda just sitting and waiting to see what happens next. Last night we could see the glow of the fire in one spot and this morning, very early, we could see it in a totally new spot....closer. It's so dang dry out here. Sammy went ahead and went into work, but told me he'd keep me posted and come right home if he heard anything. So looks like I'll just be keeping my eye on this fire and keeping my ears open for word of possible evacuation. Guess I'll have to let ya'lls know?

On a brighter note, Anthony had his open house for preschool yesterday! It went very well! Sam got off work early so we both could be there. We walked into the school with Anthony holding my hand and was greeted by his teacher. She was sweet as pie. She showed Anthony all the kid's names above the cubby spaces and asked him if he could find his name. The smarty pants scanned the names then walked right up to his! :) He has a pretty dang cool cubby and backpack hook if I do say so myself. The teacher then helped him find his name card. Every day they need to go find their name card then place it in a slot on the wall. Helps them set up a routine I suppose. We then took a gander at all the toys they had there and let him and Molly play as we talked to the teacher and some of the other parents who were filtering in. Molly was so cute, she wants to go to school sooooo bad! I actually feel really terrible that I have to explain to her that she's not old enough to go. :( I know each time I go to drop Anthony off she'll be wanting to stay! We then went to the snack room and had a few cookies and apple juice before heading back to pick up some book flyers and a little project for Anthony to do for his first day of school on Monday. Anthony politely said good bye and thank you to his teacher (which impressed her, haha). He left SO EXCITED and I am SO STOKED! I'm confident that on Monday we'll only have minimal tears, if any, when I drop him off for his first day of class. Well, I hope so anyway. 

After the open house we went out to the Mexican joint in town with my gal pal and her husband, who also have a son going to preschool and were at the open house, in celebration of preschool. :)  We then swung on by another gal pal's house to chum it up and eat cake with her and her family since it was her birthday. The kids thought it was a special night all for them with playing, eating out, and cake, haha.

I woke up at 6 this morning and ran through my soon to be new routine just to get myself prepared. Can't say I enjoy waking up at 6 and dragging my feet out to feed and water the horse, but that's what has to happen so I have time to shower and get ready as well as feed and dress two kids. *sigh* 3 times a week? (Ahh yes, I forgot to mention that I called the teacher and changed Anthony's class again. He is now in the older class, the one he was originally in at the start, that goes M/W/F. This way he'll go to kindergarten next year. And we're sticking with that! lol)

With love,
Mama Hauck

Monday, September 5, 2011

Deschutes River Park Fun

We have a young gal who lives on our road and it was her birthday yesterday. We stopped work on the barn long enough to spend a handful of hours down by the Deschutes River where she was having a little birthday party with family, other neighbors, and friends. They kids had a BLAST! I brought my bathing suit, but never got in the water....it was far to cold for me! I gave Sam the charge of taking the kids in the water and he happily obliged. I got some sweet photos of the kids sitting on a rock enjoying the sunshine and water. It was beautiful there and we had such a good time! A lot of the older kids got on their rafts and floated down the river a ways. After some water play we ate burgers and hot dogs then let the kids run off into the field and play. It was interesting to watch Anthony interact with the older boys there, it took him a long time to warm up, but he wanted to play with them so dang badly he got over his shyness and wound up playing right along side them. It was fantastic and I was so proud of him! I have naturally shy kiddos, lol. We stayed long enough for Anthony to take a couple swings at the pinata they had. Mols didn't want to, though I would have loved to have seen her give it a go! We got one family shot, a group shot, and a photo of Sam and I before hitting the road back home.....where, you guessed it, we got right back to working on the barn. :)

With love,
Mama Hauck

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Praying Mantis

Or as Anthony likes to call it, praying mastis. The kiddos found this guy on our front porch last Tuesday. He hung around for awhile just chilling out. They watched him with wonder plastered all over their faces, lol, and were sad when Thursday rolled around and they went out and couldn't find him. 

On Wednesday I found this guy in the house on the door trim to my bedroom. It's cool that he was whitish instead of green....maybe cause he was on the white door trim? Needless to say he was safely placed outside as he was not a welcome guest IN the house. 

Told you being on the Hauck Homestead was like watching the National Geographic Channel. In other words, AWESOME. Kiddos are learning sometime new every dang day.

With love,
Mama Hauck

Thursday, September 1, 2011

A Child's Imagination

Molly was being quiet (LOL it's when they are quiet that you typically have to worry!) so I crept into her room to see what she was doing and low and behold I find her babies sleeping on her pillows and Molly standing a little ways off telling me, "Shhhhh! Babies sleeping!" I ran to get my camera and came back to find her giving one of her babies a kiss.  She's still all about her baby dolls and has three of them now that she rotates carrying around with her and sleeping with at night. Two days ago she got SO EXCITED when I washed one of her baby's outfits for her and couldn't wait for me to put it back on, lol.  She is a sweet little Mama. :)

After Molly's tender loving moment with her baby, in runs Anthony and they both hopped in their "car" with their guns and went hunting lion. HAHAHA

Later in the day, while I was cooking dinner, Anthony and Molly were fighting over who got to play with "Papa's blankie." Soooooo I grabbed Anthony's two small chairs, the hamper, and the blanket and made them a fort. They were so giddy with excitement! haha I was able to finish dinner while they played in their fort.

 The other day Anthony had me sitting in a chair on an "airplane" on my way to the grocery store. I had my "cell phone" that I was told I was suppose to be playing Birds on because I was bored while waiting for my Mama to bring me a snack (who knew my Mama was also the flight attendant on the SAME plane I was on!?). And guess what!? Surprise! It was also my birthday. How could I not know it was my birthday? And for my special birthday dessert I got a bowl full of ice cream and sour pop-sickles. I also ate a hamburger, a hot dog, jello, pudding, pizza, tea, and coffee. How lucky am I? And then, yes, we went lion hunting.

Ohhhh I love my kiddos. 

With love,
Mama Hauck