Last Friday we had a feud argument disagreement with the gal who lives behind us and is co-owner of the barn we are keeping Nik in. Way to kick off the weekend, right? I wont go into details because I simply refuse to spend one minute more fretting over it causing me stress that makes me want to rip my hair out. However, the end result is that as soon as we have the money and time, we are out of that barn and will be building a lean-to for Nik closer to our house. Not the barn we were hoping to save up for and build, which sucks, but this will due. It'll have to. I really want Nik closer to the house anyway to combat his loneliness and boredom. He's taking to chewing wood (a common bad habit for horses to pick up out of boredom) which can be hazardous because of the potential for splinters in his mouth. Once we move him closer, he'll be able to see us and us him and it'll just be better and more convenient all around. I don't mind the trek across our 5 acres to get to him, but if I can have him right outside my door, all the better. :) It's just unfortunate and annoying to be blindsided by silly issues just when you think things are perfect and all honky-dory. We worked hard to get Nik over here. Now we'll have to work even harder to move him again. Though, as I said, it'll all be better in the long run.
Sometimes it pays to take the higher road and just keep chugging along. Or was it sometimes our wallets pay to take the higher road?
Anyway......plan B. Roll with the punches. Ditch barn, build lean-to, carry on and SMILE.
*I told you my kitties caught their first mouse and left in on the front porch steps the other day. I forgot to mention that Charlie caught a hummingbird too. How, you ask, could a cat catch a hummingbird!? I think it got stuck in our porch netting and then Charlie got it. I was less than happy about that.
*I've selling my fish tank. I love it and all, but I don't want to take the time anymore to clean and care for it. I've got enough on my plate as it is with the kids and horse and all. Besides, I could use the $150 I'm asking for it. It's a package deal....65 gallon tank, wood cover, wood base, fish, rocks, plants, filter, heater, cleaning hose, etc. etc. I've had a couple bites at it and think one guy is pretty set on buying it. I'm waiting for him to let me know if Saturday works for him as a pick up day.
*I'm saving up for a new lens. I've only got to save up $100 more in order to buy it. I think it will help me with my photo shoots since its a 18-270mm and will allow me to be more versatile without having to stop and change lenses like I have to now. I hope to have it before I do any more major photo shoots. If I sell this fish tank then there's the rest of my money right there!
*I need a hair trim. I'm also thinking about getting my highlights put back in. What do ya'll think? In the past I've done it come spring time and then either let it just fade out or dye my hair darker to cover the highlights and outgrown roots. Hmmmm, decisions decisions.
*The kids will be getting a trampoline complete with safety net for their birthday gift from Sam and I. I've been slowly saving up for that as well and have the amount needed to get the one we want. Now to find the time to either go out and buy it or order it online. I can't wait to get it and set it up and see their faces! I also can't wait to play on it. I will for sure be out there flying in the air and doing somersaults and other awesome jumpy things like that.
*My new swimsuit finally came in the mail. I got it from Old Navy and I love it! But.....I ruined it. It had these ruffles on the top that I didn't like and some people who reviewed it online said it was a cinch to just cut the ruffles off, or at least the bottom one to make it look better. Well I cut the ruffle off....the wrong one. *sigh* Figures. Now it's all jacked up looking and will not be seen in public. The bottom is perfect though, so I'll just order a new top. I went ahead and ordered a 2nd swimsuit too cause it was only $10. So fingers crossed I don't somehow mess my new one up, lol.
I've been sitting on this post for a while and I now want to share it.
I feel like I am on the verge of something, but it is so much bigger than I am that I can't quite wrap my head around it. Do you know that feeling?
Like I'll be sitting out in the yard and the sun will be shining down on me and both kids are running around having a grand 'ol time. I've got a good song playing and I'm singing along and then......I'll just have this uplifting feeling that everything is going to be OK. I don't know when and I don't know how, I don't know exactly what I'm suppose to do or what the plan for my life might be, but I just get this feeling that everything will ultimately be ok and I shouldn't stress or worry so much about.....everything. However, as quickly as that feeling comes, it's gone again.
I've been thinking. A lot. There are many changes I want to make and I feel now is the time to start doing just that. I've been having some optimism and self image issues. Not the physical kind, but mentally and emotionally. I'm good at only showing my sunny disposition to people, so it would come as no surprise to me if ya'll weren't aware. I'm less than content with the person I am and I want to work to change and rearrange myself. I have my reasons.
After much deep, honest thought, I've come up with a list of the things I'd like to work on.
1. I love to write. I need to write. Poems, songs, random musings, etc. etc. You don't have to read it or even like it, but I'm going to write. Whether I post on here or just write for myself, I'm going to write.
2. I would like to take things one day at a time, one task at a time. I get easily overwhelmed by taking on too much or looking too far into the future. I get discouraged when I feel like I don't have control of things. I want to be able to take a deep breath and relax. I don't have all the answers. I don't know how things will go. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time, one task at a time.
3. I'm going to try to focus on the positives and not so much the negatives. Try to focus on my haves and not my have nots. I will work on controlling my jealous thoughts and try to be more humble. I will forgive those that need to be forgiven, ask for forgiveness when I need to be forgiven and then move on instead of dwelling. Positive, positive, positive. Focus on the positives.
4. I feel as if I have lost part of myself....a large reason for my self image issues. My children are my world, without them I would simply cease to exist and anyone who knows me knows I would absolutely crumble into nothing if I did not have my children. My children might define who I am, but they do not make up ALL of who I am. I know I am more than a wife and Mama.....though most days I struggle with feeling like that's all I am anymore. This is an incredibly destructive feeling. I would like to take more time for myself and do things that make ME happy and spark MY interest and make ME feel good because I have neglected myself and in doing so stunted my growth.
Stick with me here......
5. I'm going to work on my self confidence and build myself up. I need to believe that I can do it.....whatever it might be. Like my photography. I also need to not let people walk all over me, treat me like a child, or impose their feelings and beliefs on me. I am my own person with my own thoughts, feelings, and opinions. I can make my own decisions and intend to do just that. I want that to be respect by others. I pride myself on being very open minded and non-judging of others. I only wish for that in return.
6. Quite possibly the biggest change I'd like to see is with my relationships. I need to choose who is worth my time and energy, who is not, and then cut my looses. Fair weather friends have no place in my life. I don't like being used or called upon only when it is convenient for the other person. I give all my love and go out of my way for those I care about and would like to receive that in return. Too many times I give and give and give of myself to someone only to be dropped and ignored and left feeling like a fool when I am no longer convenient for them or the next best thing comes along. That's incredibly hurtful. I deserve more. I want someone to be my friend for the sole purpose of loving me and wanting the joy of my friendship. I know I deserve that.
7. I will pray for, smile, and be happy for those around me for the happiness and good things that come their way because, just like me, everyone deserves their happiness and deserves to feel content with their life. I should always wish someone well, regardless of my feelings.
8. I would like to strive to be more patient as well as carefree when it comes to my life and more specifically my children. Some things just aren't worth getting all worked up over. I want to be able to not sweat the small stuff.
9. I will work to control my thoughts. Thoughts directly dictate moods and actions. Negative thoughts can act like poison.
10. I want to get my thoughts, feelings, and opinions across more constructively and be more patient with others when they are trying to do the same. I want to reduce the number of arguments and misunderstandings in my life and raise the number of constructive and meaningful conversations.
I have a lot of work to do. I hope I can do it. Perhaps I'll divulge on my list in the future.
Friday the kiddos and I literally played outside all day. I also drove to town to give Kara's Mama the cd of the photo shoot I did for them Thursday. After Sam got off work we took the kids to the town pool for the first time this year. Anthony and Molly had a great time and it was fun to see them splashing around. I ordered a new swimsuit, but I'm bummed it didn't show up in time for me to wear it to the pool...hopefully sometime this week! After the pool we went out to pizza and played arcade games. :) I forgot how much sunshine and swimming tuckers you out. The kids crashed hard and slept like rocks all night. I also felt like dead weight and was happy when bed time rolled around.
Saturday was insane. Sam and Anthony headed out the door with out neighbor Leonard at 8 to buy all our fence paneling for the barn. Sam also picked up a muck rake, feed and water buckets, grain, shavings for the stall floor, fencing stuff to help put the panels together, t-posts, and he surprised me with new muck boots. :) When they returned home, they worked allllllll day to put up the fencing. Molly and I on the other hand caught up on housework in the morning and then headed to town at 11. My pal Mariah called and asked for help cleaning up the new home she and her family are working on moving into. So I grabbed Mols and a bottle of wine and headed on over. We swept and dusted and did some hard scrubbing on the fridge and stove while Molly ran around with Mraiah's two boys. At 1:30, After some time cleaning, I ran to McDonalds to pick up some lunch for us so we could all take a break. It was then that I decided Mariah needed some time to herself so I loaded up her boys in my car and I stole them away to my house. Anthony was stoked to have his pals over. Mols layed down for a nap and the boys ran amuck in the yard while Sam and some other neighbors that came over to help finished up work on the fencing and such. I was pretty impressed with all the work that was done! At 6 I brought the boys back home and did a little grocery shopping by myself before heading home and taking a tour of our nearly completed barn area.
Sunday it was crunch time. We all headed out to the barn and spent the whole morning raking the arena and putting the finishing touches on the barn area. At 1 we headed over to Tammy and Leonard's and loaded Nik up in their trailer. IT WAS TIME!!!! We got him over to our barn and he was just wild! I know it's going to be hard for him to adjust to being at our place and away from his horse pals. He was running around bucking and neighing and scoping things out and just acting frantic. I know it's going to be a bit before I ride him again. He needs to adjust to being here and be worked on the ground to let him know who's boss at his new home and such. And I'm thinking a goat or something is in the near future for us....he's going to need a friend. I took photos for ya'll to see of the arena, barn, and tack room! I even took a picture of his new bridle I got him. I'll have to take a photo of his saddle too. :) This is at the very far back edge of our property. It sucks we can't just look out our front porch and see him....it's quite a walk to get to him, but I'm just glad we have him HERE! I've waited ohhhhh so patiently!
We hung out with Nik for a bit making sure he was going to be fine as he settled in before running off to the house to clean up and prepare for our dinner date with my new friend Brie and her husband Jacob and son Kias. I've had Brie and Kias over recently for play dates, but her husband hasn't been over yet. Steak, chicken, green salad, pasta salad and drinks. Ahhh, just what we needed! We played in the yard and chummed it up, took them back to meet Nik, ate dinner, and I showed them some of my Lynn Elizabeth Photography photos.
I must admit....I was touched. I put photos up on facebook and my blog all the time. And ya'll are so awesome and sweet to me with your comments and support on here. I for sure love my blogging buddies and appreciate you!! :) And of course my family members and the couple people I've done shoots for comment, appreciate, and talk to me about what I do. However, I can count on one hand the number of times my friends here in Goldendale have commented on my photos....and non have ever asked meto show them some of my work in person when over or act like they were interested in what I love to do. I think I forced a friend to look at a matted photo once.....just cause I had it out and ready to ship. My photography is part of me. A large part of me. And I am definitely not bashing on people here because I understand everyone gets caught up in their own lives, but I would think friends would care about me enough to realize I could use their support? I really don't receive any support from them and it hurts, though I've never said so. I try to show support for my friends and whatever they have going on for them. I'm a pretty dang good cheerleader and support giver! Anyway, point of the story is that it meant A LOT to me that Brie and Jacob seemed to care.
Sorry for the tangent. Back to Nik.
This morning I woke up at 7. I fed the kids and got them all situated and instructed them to be good little kiddos (hahaha, yeah right!!) while I ran out and fed Nik. Perhaps in the future they can come with me in the morning? I think it'll be easier in the long run for me to do the morning feeding on my own sans kids, but we'll see. So there I was, 7:45.....in my p.j.'s and new mucking boots, sleepy eyes and hair all wild, traipsing out to see Nik. He was pissed at me for taking so long to get out to feed him. I explained to him I have children to feed before him and he's just going to have to be patient with me. I don't think he cared to listen to me. I feed him what I think is the right amount of hay. Hell, I don't know. It's hard to judge 10lbs of hay. Guess I better figure it out or I'm going to have one grumpy horse on my hands thinking I'm starving him. While he's eating I give him a good brush down all over and plant a big 'ol kiss on his neck. I then proceed to grab my muck rake and wheelbarrow and clean out the arena. Forget bowflexing, I've got a horse and barn to tend to. My arms and legs are on fire from all the work this past weekend! I said goodbye to Nik, promising to return, and then started back to the house all proud of myself for kicking ass and taking care of my horse like a REAL horse owner. And to top off my homestead Mama awesomeness, after checking on the kids, I fed the outside kitties, disposed of their FIRST MOUSE KILL they left for us on the porch (Whoop whoop!!!), turned on and positioned the sprinklers in the yard, picked up all the toys laying around in the yard and on the porch, and played chase with the dogs for a few minutes. All before 8:30. That's right. I am turning into one hard working, country loving, homestead owning Mama. Feel free to think I'm pretty rad.
To be honest, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and stressed thinking about this new responsibility along with just been super busy with different things recently. I stressed all last night about having to go out alone and feed him by myself for the first time. But I did it. I have to keep reminding myself to take a deep breath and not get too ahead of myself.
Alright, I promise not to ramble on and on every day about all things horse. I just had to today since ya'll know how excited I've been about getting Nik over here.
Yesterday I had the pleasure of photographing Kara, a sweet little gal I've taken photos of in the past. Kara turns one on May 25th, so these were taken in celebration of her upcoming birthday! As soon as I was done shooting, I ran inside to start working on the photos, haha, that's the only reason I have them done and ready to show you so soon! This shoot went smoothly for me. They came out to my place at 10:30, the weather was warm and gorgeous, my own children were well behaved playing in the yard, Kara was a little doll in the tutus and other accessories.....things seemed much easier and more relaxed compared to my last shoot, lol.
Hope ya'll like the photos as much as I do! I absolutely love how they turned out!
Monday: Dr. appointment for Anthony an hour and a half away. Pressed for time and almost late. Pedal to the metal. Victory chuckle to myself when I pull into the parking lot exactly on time. Meh heh heh heh heh. Just like that. Anthony was golden. Good news for me concerning my scar from a mole removal. Appointment for me the end of next month to see if we can flatten the scar out. More on this later. Long Day. Sam made me brownies.
Tuesday: Play date, 3 rambunctious children. Destroyed bedrooms, lots of tears and bickering. It's hard to share. Pizza bites makes everyone happy again. I flew solo that night.....Anthony broke down in tears upon realizing Papa wasn't coming home due to an invite for dinner and poker from work buddies. Tears ended with a read from his favorite book. Score points for Mama.
Wednesday: Play date, 3 rambunctious children and a baby. Mols falling asleep in the sandbox and face planting in the sand.....funniest thing ever. Papa home a little early. Watched Transformers, Anthony thought it was fricken awesome. Win. Started b-day party planning. I polished off the rest of the brownies and then felt guilty.
Thursday: Had a bad dream. Hard to roll out of bed in the morning. Back, shoulders, and neck hurt. I need a massage. Photo shoot of a sweet little gal on the verge of turning 1, tutu, pearls, and butterfly wings. (Wish me luck!) Lots of photo editing in my future. I better hurry up and get in the shower so I can start my day. I'm procrastinating.
Friday: Good Lord who knows. Sunshine, shorts, cowgirl boots, and a bar I hope.
Saturday: Pick up horse fencing, work on barn, fingers crossed horsey will be here by the end of the month. Go see Nik. Sunbathing? Hopefully.
Sunday: Dinner with Bri and family, BBQ and drinks down the hatch.
Sammy had a great visit with his friend Nick last week. Nick got in late Monday night and then took off Tuesday morning for the tri-cities to spend the day with family he had there. Tuesday I had a play date with my new friend Brie and her son Kias. I met them at the library a while ago and she and her husband actually live out by us. Hooray! They are super sweet and I'm glad to have them close by. Nick returned back to our house Wednesday morning. Sam was able to take a half day and make it to the library with us. The library schedule changes now.....instead of being able to go every Wednesday and do our story time, it'll only happen the 2nd wednesday of every month this summer. Sucks. :( But they do have a few other fun things going on periodically throughout the summer like a reptile show and ice cream social. That'll be fun. After the library we all headed over to the park. Brie, her husband Jacob, and their son Kias came, as well as another new gal pal, Molly and her daughter Jocelyn. I got some cute pictures of the Anthony and Molly playing in the flowers as well as a cool shot of Nick skateboarding. All in all it was a fun and successful park visit!
After the park we headed on home. We spent the remainder of the day playing outside while Sam and Nick spent a great deal of time chumming it up and sharing memories and old stories while hanging out in the shop. It was nice to see two old friends reconnect.
Thursday was awesome. We ate breakfast burritos for breakfast and then hopped in Nick's truck for a long leisurely drive out to Sam's work site. We took some back roads, stopping to take photos along the way. Once we got to site, we were able to drive right up to a turbine so Nick could get out and take photos. I hung out in the truck with the kids and fed them snacks to keep them happy....they were getting a little restless, lol. He headed back home a different way, down a road I frequently visit to take photos, and stopped at an old broken down house. We let the kids out to run around and just hung out there for quiet a while and took more photos. Nick is quite the photographer so he definitely enjoyed the drive and opportunity to see where Sam works.
After getting back home we grabbed some lunch and relaxed for a bit before heading over to see the horse. It was my first time getting back on after getting bucked off and the saddle kept rubbing against my still hideously looking and painful bruise. Ugh. Sam got on for a bit and Nick even got on. He'd never ridden a horse before, so it was cool to give him that experience. The night ended with homemade chili, YUM!
Friday afternoon Nick got back on the road and headed back home to CA. We were sad to see him leave. Sam had such a great visit with him, although it was far to short. That night my friend Mariah called to invite us out to dinner with them and some other friend's. Since the restaurant we went to is also a bar, we were asked to leave by 9:30 because of the kids. That sucked. But we headed on over to a Mexican restaurant with Mariah, her husband, and their two boys to get in some more hang out time while leaving the childless friends at the other place, haha.
Saturday it was yard work, yard work, and more yard work in the morning. Does it ever end? I was thankful it was sunny and exceptionally warm out. I ran around with the kids and even got a little sun bathing in. Come afternoon it was time to head to a friend's house for a going away shindig. The kids ran around while we ate some lunch and Sam and other co-workers said bye to the guy who was moving. Then it was off to The Dalles to buy poor little Mols some new shoes. Sweet little thing had to show me a boo boo on her foot done by shoes that were getting too small. :( On our way there it started to storm. Like massive down pour complete with thunder and lighting. Pretty cool until we started remembering we left the chain saw out in the yard, the windows rolled down on the car, and most importantly......the dogs outside in the kennel. Ugh. They were NOT happy when we got home later that night, haha. After a little shopping getting Molly some sweet new kicks, we met up with my friend Mariah and her family who also happened to be in The Dalles. We decided to spend the evening together and headedto K-mart. It must have been a hilarious sight watching 4 adults and 4 giggling children running across the parking lot in the pouring rain trying not to crash and burn in the huge puddles. The kids LOVED it. We frolicked around K-mart together for a good while. Hahaha, that made for a good time. I think we spent an hour in the toy section. We also went out to dinner at Spooky's and got mean mugged by a grumpy lady, visibly unhappy with the fact we had four children acting exactly like children.....unable to sit still in their chairs, playing peek a boo, being loud and giddy. Ah well. We had a blast anyway and my burger and coffee were freaken delicious. No mean mugging was going to change my exceptionally good mood. :)
Sunday was our day of rest. We caught up on housework and watched movies. I surely needed the relax time yesterday because this week is going to be a busy and long one for me. I've actually got to get my butt in gear.....I have to drive close to an hour and a half to take Anthony to a doctor appointment today. *sigh* Not my idea of fun.
Because of this kick ass housewarming party for a friend Friday evening (thanks to Sam for playing camera man, that's why he's not in any!)......
The gals. :)
The guys and their.....stories. LOL
I missed this Saturday.......
Oh wait. There's no photo for Saturday because I MISSED IT. :( I was layed up in bed all sickly like for the better part of Saturday and missed my gal pal's boys' birthday party. The one I was so excited about and couldn't wait to go to. Yeah, that one. I am a fail friend!! UGH. Good thing she forgives me. :) Sam and the kids still went and that's all that matters. I really wanted the kids to go and have a good time and they did just that!
Mothers Day started with Sam and the kids making me my favorite chocolate chip pancakes and sausage for breakfast. YUM! Then Sam took a few bowflex body photos for me. We headed outside to spend some time working a bit more on cleaning up the barn Nik will be staying in at the edge of our property. Mols and I headed inside for some pizza for lunch and Mama-Baby snuggle and play time while Sam took Anthony to work on the road with some of the other neighbors. I did NOT want to be part of that gravel shoveling bunch. ;) While they were out working on the road, the sunshine disappeared and a hail storm moved in. BOO!! Apparently Anthony loved the hail and had a great time working with the guys. After the boys returned, we spent the remainder of the day watching funny movies on TV and relaxing. American Pie and Joe Dirt, lol. I received via e-mail the print and canvas order from my photo shoot client so I spent a great deal of time working on that for him. Hopefully I can get his final order wrapped up this week. Sam made me chicken fettuccine alfredo with cauliflower in it for dinner and we had cinnamon sticks with frosting for dessert. The kiddos gave me a Mama's Day card to cap off the night then it was hugs and kisses and time for bed.