I'm feeling extremely frustrated. Just when I think I might be out of the woods with my bleeding and such, It comes back in full force. I can go days with hardly anything, then have one day where I'm bleeding so much I'm tempted to cry my way to a doctor's office. I wish someone had an answer for me. Really, how much longer is this going to go on? I'll be 11 weeks on Sunday. How much longer will this go before it all stops? I saw my midwife this past weekend for a chat and I'm e-mailing her to keep her updated. I wrote to her this morning letting her know of my most recent bleeding and she wrote back, "You must have an area on the uterine lining where capillaries are large and close to the surface, and keep getting breakthrough bleeding. If that was under the placenta, it is doubtful that the baby would be doing so well, but we don't want you to keep bleeding even if it is not threatening the baby." Seems reasonable to me. Hopefully next week or the week after we will have our first official visit and make a decision on if I should go in for another ultrasound or what our next step should be. But as for now she told me to up my vitamin C as that will help strengthen blood vessels, get a food based multivitamin supplement, and continue to take the chlorophyll I was given which is suppose to help calm the bleeding. When I talked to her this weekend she said she thinks we should be able to hear the baby's heart beat with her hand held doppler soon. I hope so. Nothing is more reassuring than hearing your little one.
I'm so sick of talking about this. So sick of thinking about it. So sick of the fear and the worry. I'm sure ya'll are sick of hearing about it too......so sorry. I feel like SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS and crying. This isn't how things were suppose to go and It makes me angry.
In other news.....
Friday I'm having a PUMPKIN CARVING get together. I wasn't planning on doing anything this year, but I feel bad for the kids. I've been such a stick in the mud recently and they are stuck right there with me and my bad attitude. So I wanted to do something fun for them. I invite a handful or people and kiddos. I'm going to make stroganoff for the adults and pigs in a blanket for the kids. I'll also be making cupcakes. I have one couple bringing cookies, another bringing chips, and a third bringing a pasta salad. We'll eat, carve pumpkins, and possibly have a bon fire outside. I'm excited, though not looking forward to cleaning the house today....among other things. I'm having one gal come over early tomorrow to help me finish pulling the food together before people show up.
Anthony is "line leader" tomorrow at school. With this comes the duty to provide a snack and drink for the whole class. I'm going to make jello for them. I've got medium sized clear cups I'll pour the jello in to and then I'm going to drop a gummy worm in each cup. Make it a little spooky for Halloween! I just have to cross my fingers that I feel good tomorrow. Anthony can't miss school if he's the snack provider and I can't be ill for my pumpkin carving shindig!
Saturday is TRUNK OR TREAT day!!!! Every year people park their cars on main street and hand out candy from their trunk. It's geared towards the little ones who might not actually go out on Halloween. The kids are really excited to go. After Trunk or Treating, I'm dropping Sam off at a Halloween party our friends are holding. We can't find a babysitter, so looks like I wont be going. I'm assuming I'll be exhausted after trunk or treating as it is, so while I'm sad I wont be going to the party (cause I love Halloween so much!!!) I refuse to cry about it.
Sunday is void of plans. Maybe, just MAYBE we'll take some family photos. We haven't done that in a long while and it needs to be done. If not, then I plan to plant myself on the couch and relax while eating candy. :)
Monday is HALLOWEEN! Whoop! And Anthony gets to wear his costume to school. He is soooo stoked! I'm unsure if we will go out trick or treating or not. There really wont be a need to after doing the Trunk or Treat thing on Saturday. We'll see. Sam and I have a couple scary movies from Netflix we've been saving to watch. YAY!
I hope everyone has a fantastic Halloween weekend, whatever your plans may be!
With love,Mama Hauck