What are the right words to say to someone who has just lost a loved one?
I'm sorry for your loss?
God has his reasons, though we might not know them?
Stay strong?
I don't think there are any, truly. In the deep depths of sorrow, I can't imagine I would want to hear any of that personally, so I refuse to say it to anyone. A really good friend from high school has recently lost her love and it has been made extremely clear by way of FB just how much misery she is in. My heart breaks for her and her daughter and I can't get them off my mind. I can't even imagine the pain she is feeling. You always wish you could find the right words, know the right action to make all the pain disappear. In truth, there is little I can do other than let her know I'm loving and thinking of her, which I have done multiple times already. I can't hop a plane and fly to NY to be by her side. I can't hold her hand through the service tomorrow or give her a shoulder to cry on. I can't do her laundry, cook her meals, or help care for her daughter. Those are all the things I would do to make up for the words I don't have for her.
The road that lays ahead for her isn't one that I would want to walk. Other's loss and grief puts your own life into perspective.
With love,
Mama Hauck
I've been very much at ease talking with people about depression, suicidal thoughts, addictions, eating disorders and countless other issues. One thing I've never been good with, and I'm still not, is knowing what to say when someone's lost a loved one. "Sorry for your loss" is so cliche it seems almost meaningless (to me).
ReplyDeleteNothing we say can bring someone back, few words we offer can truly bring comfort. I believe it's not so much WHAT we say, but that we say something, anything, to let them know we care.
I know what it's like to want to be there for someone who's hundreds or thousands of miles away. I've had friends in very, very dark places and nights when I wanted nothing more than to put my arm around their shoulder and let them know I was there. What I found is that people appreciate knowing that even though you can't be there with them physically, you're with them in heart and willing to do anything you can to help. Not to take their pain away, but to make them feel less alone. We're all in this together, that's what friends are for.
You and this girl have been good friends since high school. She knows how you feel Becca, that even though you might struggle for words you're in her corner. That's all she needs to know, and all you need to do.