Wowza. I try to avoid drama like it's the plague. I don't enjoy it at all. So why does this pregnancy have to be filled with so much of it??
Friday Anthony missed preschool because I wasn't feeling well. I couldn't pull myself together to get him out the door. The whole day I felt pretty blah. That night, at about 6, I started having excruciating abdominal pain. The only way I can describe it is this: it felt like either my insides were doused in acid or my stomach had been split and my guts were spilling out. Gross, I know. With clenched teeth I headed to bed at 9:30 with the conviction that the pain would lessen or go away allowing me to sleep. If not I could at least make it till morning and would head to the ER then. 30 minutes later, at 10, I had Sam calling the neighbor to come over while the kids slept so we could go to the ER.
The drive to the ER was torturous. 20 torturous minutes. We get there and I could barely walk. My thoughts were maybe an advance UTI, but that test came back negative. I ran them through my most recent history of bleeding and blood clots and a low fetal heart rate all the while gagging and dry heaving in a puke bag, shaking from my nerves. I couldn't sit still....no position made my abdominal pain any better and I was starting to worry....a lot. The ER Dr. got a copy of my last ultrasound report done on the 5th and looked it over. At the very bottom it said something I was never told about...."possible small cyst on left ovary." Are you kidding me? Why wasn't that brought to my attention when the Dr (whom remember, I am NOT a fan of) called to tell me the baby's heart rate was low and she expected a negative outcome? You would think that would be information I am entitled to know. Grrr. The ER couldn't give me an ultrasound to check on the status of the baby or check for a cyst because they didn't have one available at nights or on the weekend. They didn't even have a hand held doppler they could use. The ER Dr. called the OB in the Dalles (an hours drive from me and the place Molly was born) for a phone consultation. In the end, both Dr's best guesses as to what was wrong was either a UTI that just happened to come up negative with the test, a cyst, or.....they didn't know. I was given some vicodin (some may be against taking vicodin in pregnancy....I've done my research and have drawn my own conclusions and was fine with taking it) for the pain with instructions to go to the ER in the Dalles in the morning.
Unhappy and worried, Sammy and I left. What was wrong with me? Was the baby ok? At that point I felt so low. Why couldn't I have a normal pregnancy!? How much more stress, anxiety, and fear could I endure? On the drive home I puked with fury. And just like that, my pain was gone. Incredible. Food poisoning? Had the force of my puking ruptured a cyst? I was glad the pain vanished, leaving only tenderness when I pressed my belly, but bewildered over the whole thing. We got home, I ate some pretzels, took a nausea pill and half a vicodin, and went to bed.
Saturday morning we made our way to the Dalles ER. We thought I'd be given an ultrasound to figure out what was wrong and check up on the baby, but turns out that wasn't the case. They didn't have ultrasound on the weekend like the ER Dr. in my town had thought. It would cost us big bucks to have someone called in to get me one. And since I was no longer in any pain, it was apparent my life wasn't immediately at stake, lol, and so I could wait longer for one. I was extremely disappointed. All I wanted to know was if the baby was ok. The OB Dr. on call was called down to the ER and I ran through my most recent medical history again. He told me if I could hang in there till Monday, I could go to his office and have my ultrasound. He was very kind, but upfront. He told me with the baby having a low heart beat as of the last ultrasound, the next one would show one of two things: a baby with a now normal heart beat, or a baby with no heart beat at all. Of course I knew this, but hearing it said aloud made me feel incredibly hopeless. He called me courageous for dealing with all of this stress and then we left.
Monday morning rolls around and I call the office as soon as they open. I scheduled an appointment at 4. When it came time, I took the kids to a friend's place and off I went alone. Sam couldn't get off work. I felt scared, anxious, and lonely. I saw a different OB than the one who talked to me in the ER, but that was fine....he was incredibly sweet and empathetic. I ran through my most recent history AGAIN. We wasted no time getting me the ultrasound.....there was one right in the exam room. The Dr. had his own screen, but then there was one placed on the ceiling for me to see as I layed on the ultrasound bed. Fancy shmancy.
My heart raced and I felt a wave of nausea rush over me as he placed the wand on my belly. I couldn't help but hold my breath. It seemed like an eternity, but in reality it was 2 seconds and I heard him say, "Well the heart beat looks great!" I started bawling and he asked if I wanted a tissue and then asked if I was ok, lol. The relief I felt is indescribable. A HEART BEAT! And a perfect one at that!!! A strong 162.....way up from a low 73 (which I discovered was the number from the copy of the ultrasound report the ER had given me). I apologized for crying, but he told me he understood. He told me I was brave for having gone so long not knowing the fate of the baby and dealing with all the stress. He measured the baby and the measurements were spot on....9 weeks 1 day. I saw the baby wiggle and listened to the heartbeat and felt as if I were in heaven. As for any cysts or blood clots, he said he didn't see anything, that everything looked normal. I suppose I'll never know exactly why I had that horrific pain Friday evening. And I'm hoping this means the majority of my bleeding will come to an end.
I left the appointment feeling so thankful. A weight was lifted off my shoulders and I can finally breathe a sigh of relief. I really want to start enjoying this pregnancy and I'm ready to let go of all those negative and fearful thoughts and feelings I have been harboring. I don't want to waste another minute more wondering if my baby is ok or if I'm going to miscarry. I'm half inclined to call the Dr. I was seeing here in town and rub my good news in her face and yell at her for being so pessimistic and telling me my pregnancy was doomed. Victory is sweet!! I'm glad to have a little fighter on my hands.
So, without further adieu, pictures of the little one as of yesterday at 9 weeks 1 day. Due date May 20th! ;)
No more pregnancy drama, please!! From here on out I want smooth sailing! Well, as smooth as can be expected. haha
With love,Mama Hauck