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Thursday, October 6, 2011

Get Me Off This Roller Coaster!

Yesterday's ultrasound showed our little one's beating heart and a measurement of 7 weeks 3 days. So today I'm 7 weeks 4 days, making my estimated due date May 20th. :) The ultrasound showed I still have a fair amount of blood and blood clots in my uterus, but my actual bleeding has slowed to hardly anything as of today and I'm taking that as a good sign. I wonder if it will stay that way? How the hell does a subchorionic hemorrhage heal? I left the ultrasound feeling confident and positive.

That is until the doctor called me with the "official results" of the ultrasound today. It is no lie that I am NOT a fan of this doctor. She is monotone and pessimistic and talking to her always makes me want to cry. I am anxious to rid myself of her care, but for now I need her to get me into any ultrasounds that are deemed necessary. Anyhow, she said the baby's heart rate was low....though she didn't tell me what the rate was. I don't know if it's because she didn't want to or she didn't know because she wasn't told the actual rate, she was just told that is was low. I asked what normal was and she said 130-140 for where I'm at gestational wise. I've done much reading in the past and have read that the heart rate can vary widely and that detecting a heart rate matters more in these early weeks than the actual number. But, I'm just me....I'm no expert, so all I know is what I read, what I'm told, and what I choose to take away from it all. Every doctor will have their own opinion on what is "normal." 

Cue panic. My heart palpitated sending panic waves throughout my body. Did I mention I was in the shower when she called? I had to turn off the shower and stand there and freeze just so I could hear what she was saying. Truly an uncomfortable moment.

She also told me what the ultrasound tech had told me.....I was measuring at 7 weeks 3 days. I said that sounded right to me but I couldn't be certain since no one had told me exactly what I measured from last week....I was just told that I measured "not quite 7 weeks." She told me there were two radiation techs who read my results this time. The first told her the baby hadn't shown much growth since the last ultrasound. 

Cue more panic. I thought I was going to throw up and at this point my heart was in my throat, my stomach tight, and my chest seemed like a vice around my lungs seemingly making it harder to breathe.

But then she continues to say the second radiation tech went back to check the first radiation tech's work. He measured last weeks ultrasound, then went and measured yesterdays ultrasound and said I was spot on for growth since I did indeed measure 6 weeks 3 days last wednesday

OMG. Grrrrrrr, I hate how someone can do sloppy work and come up with the wrong interpretation of results and then needlessly make you worry. And why even tell me the story of the first stupid radiation tech if they were wrong?

I got off the phone with her last words reverberating in my mind, "So the pregnancy is viable now, but we'll just have to wait and see."

What a stark, cold lady. 

I ran to the computer and e-mailed my midwife about everything that had just taken place....bitching about the mean doctor and crying about my worry. She wrote back a sweet e-mail that reminds me why I choose her to be my midwife and reaffirming my belief that I have made the right decision. She must have read my e-mail and called the doc to get the info herself. She told me that the baby's measurements were indeed on track. She also told me the heartbeat is low, but that means almost nothing at this stage of gestation because they can vary wildly at this age (between 100 and 180), and it is already about 30 beats-per-minute faster than it was last week. 

Cue huge sigh of relief.

I choose to be OPTIMISTIC and not PESSIMISTIC! I want to receive optimism and not pessimism. Please and thank you. 

I have another ultrasound in 2 weeks to check on the status of the baby's heart beat and check for bleeding and clots. I pray my bleeding stops. After that, I'm hoping I can say goodbye to the doctor in town and let my midwife take over full care of my pregnancy. 

Keep your prayers coming. They are much appreciated. If nothing else think happy thoughts for my sanity. I didn't plan on riding this crazy pregnancy roller coaster (though in real life I do love roller coasters). I was hoping for the easy lazy river type of ride.

With love,
Mama Hauck

5 comments:

  1. Oh man, why do some doctors insist on doing that?! Whey would she feel the need to worry you for no reason? ugh. Hopefully your next ultrasound is better so you can stop going to her!

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  2. I read this shortly after you posted, will write something tomorrow when I'm not falling asleep at my computer.

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  3. I'm sorry you are are worrying Bec, I know I would be too of course!!! We are "worriers" by nature. I'm glad things are looking up though for sure. You are in my prayers. Is this your first time having a midwife?

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  4. Being a male (especially one without kids) I don't feel I have authority to say much about what you're experiencing Bec. But this is how I see it through the eyes of a friend on the outside looking in.

    There's nothing in this world you're more passionate about than your kids, I don't think anyone could argue that. I'll never know what it's like to carry a child but I understand how desperately you want him/her. I honestly do. I've known you long enough to realize how intensely emotional all this is for you, and given what you've been through it's understandable that your anxiety and emotions are so high. I don't agree with the rollercoaster you've been put on by some health care practitioners but at the same time I hope you'll be able to keep from getting too stressed out. Easier said than done I know.

    I can promise you Becca there's not one person I know who's meant to love a child the way you are. I believe this pregnancy is meant to be, if the timing wasn't right before I think it is now. And even if you have more unsettling moments along the way (I pray to God that you don't), I can't help but feel you're going to have a healthy and beautiful baby.

    I think about that a lot.

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  5. I don't know....she has poor "people" skills and it's horrible! It's sad how one person can can have such a negative impact on you. Yes, I'm praying this next ultrasound will be the last time I've got to deal with her!!!

    Thank you, Jill. <3 Yes, first time having a midwife. I'm excited to have a home birth this time around. I only wish you could be here with me.

    Definitely easier said than done. Thank you for your words, they truly mean a lot to me. Just trying to stay positive and wait. Wait, wait, wait.

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