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Wednesday, September 28, 2011

My Absence.....Prayers Needed

Hello friends, it's been a while since I've been on and I'm ready to share with ya'll the reason for my absence. 

On the 9th of this month I anxiously awaited the results of a home pregnancy test. I was over the moon when I saw those two little pink lines pop up. Pregnant!!!! :) 


My joy was short lived though. On Sunday, the 18th, I started bleeding and passed a few clots and completely FREAKED out. Always having normal pregnancies and having never experienced heavy bleeding while pregnant before, I crumbled into a pile of tears, convinced I had just lost the baby. 

The next day, Monday, I dropped Anthony off at preschool and went to the doctor here in my small town with Molly in tow. It was not a good appointment. I described everything that went on and the doctor looked at me as if she wasn't convinced I was even pregnant. It was insulting. And she wouldn't give me an exam because I had Molly with me. In all honesty, I was pissed. I was at least able to head to the hospital to get a blood draw to test my hCG levels.

Wednesday, the 21st, I took Anthony to preschool, left Molly with a friend, and met Sam back at the doctor. My blood draw had come back and showed my levels placed me at round about 6 weeks. I almost laughed in the doctors face. I also knew this meant I hadn't miscarried and felt some relief wash over me. She immediately scheduled another blood draw and an ultrasound for the same day.

Sam had to go back to work so I had to go to the ultrasound alone. It was awful. The ultrasound tech wasn't allowed to show me the screen or tell me anything. I layed there for close to an hour in uncomfortable silence as she did her work. When she was finished, she told me the doctor would call me with the results. I was mad she couldn't give me at least a little hint of information. Had she seen my baby? What did she see??  Hours later the doctor called and gave me the news. There was a gestational sac (though, she wouldn't tell me whether there was a baby in it or not), and I had many, many uterine blood clots. I have no idea why I have them, how they got there, etc. etc. I hate how they don't tell you anything. All I know is that is the cause for my horrible cramps and bleeding. The doctor told me, very matter of factly, that she predicted that I would miscarry and all I could do was sit back and wait. I got off the phone feeling down and confused. Why wouldn't anyone tell me about my baby!?

Saturday, the 24th, my midwife Lorri came over after I contacted her about all that was going on. I plan to use a midwife and have a home birth if, God willing, my pregnancy plays out......but that is something I will talk more about later. I filled Lorri in on the events and she graciously offered to attend my next ultrasound with me. 

I have felt miserable since the 18th. Just so ill....cramping and bleeding and passing disgusting blood clots. Nausea, vomiting and exhaustion. Headaches, dizziness, and overall just feeling blah and out of sorts. I've been stressed to the max and fearful of all my bleeding and the thought of loosing my baby. I haven't wanted to talk to anyone or be around anyone. It's been difficult for me to get out of bed in the morning, feeling as ill as I do, and get myself out the door to get Anthony to preschool. This past week and a half have been my worst.

Today was my ultrasound. Sam took the morning off work to bring Anthony to school and hang out with Mols while My midwife and I did the ultrasound. I was thankful to have Lorri there with me and even more thankful to see a different ultrasound tech....a sweet old lady who had done the ultrasound for Molly. After she did what she needed to do, she turned the screen to me and showed me the baby's heartbeat. I immediately started crying, I was so thankful to see that heartbeat! The ultrasound tech wasn't able to tell me much herself, but the whole reason Lorri came was so she could tell me and lend support. She said the baby's position looked good and the heartbeat and blood flow from the placenta and through the cord looked great as well.

I still have a moderate amount of blood and blood clots in my uterus. Why? Why am I STILL bleeding!?  She mentioned a subchorionic hemorrhage? What the hell is that? I read up about it HERE and am completely freaked out. :( But Lorri says she is confident I'll either just continue to bleed and pass it all or it will stay put without harm to the baby. I hope she's right. All this continued bleeding really has me fearful.

We talked a bit about what I should be doing....no stairs, no lifting of anything, no running....pretty much nothing that will jolt my body. I have to sit back and take it easy, something I've been trying to do, but it's hard with two kiddos running around and having to take one of them to preschool 3x a week. My midwife also specializes in herbs and natural remedies, so she gave me chlorophyll (it's a green liquid that smells and tastes a bit like mouthwash) that is suppose to help with the bleeding. I also received a small bottle of a herbal tincture that is suppose to help with stress and calming the body. I will pass along her website for those interested in checking her out: Midwife Site , Herb site


I'm relived and excited to know my baby is there and well as of right now. I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. However, I know I'm not out of the woods just yet with this new talk of a Subchorionic hemorrhage. I'm praying these remaining blood clots will either pass or be absorbed by my body here shortly without any harm to the baby and the source of the bleeding will.....stop? I'm trying my best now to let go of the stress and fear and just relax. I'm fairly certain I will be having another ultrasound next week or the week after to check on progress and hopefully establish a due date. My calculations had me in week 7, the ultrasound tech placed me at "not quite 7 weeks" so there is a couple day discrepancy that should hopefully be cleared up a bit better come my next ultrasound. I'm looking forward to seeing the baby again and getting my due date!

I also wanted to take the time to thank my mother, father, husband, Lorri, and a few of my friends.....Barry, Jill, Molly, and Becky. Sam has done much of the housework around the house as I have taken up residence in bed or on the couch when I'm not caring for the kids. I'm thankful he is my husband and so understanding and supportive even with my wild, emotional mood swings. My mother and father have been a welcome sounding board when I've needed someone to listen and a source of comfort. Lorri has already gone above and beyond as a midwife by accompanying me to my ultrasound and being so kind and lending her support to  me. And the friends I've mentioned have gone out of their way with e-mails, texts, cards of support, and offers to help in any way to show they care for me in this difficult time.

I would love it if you all would keep me in your prayers. It would be greatly appreciated!! I need all the prayers I can get for my health as well as the health of my baby.

With love,
Mama Hauck

4 comments:

  1. I've been wondering where you were and hoping everything was ok. Congratulations on your pregnancy! I can't even imagine going through what you have this month. I was lucky with three mostly healthy pregnancies but there were some abnormalities on the ultrasounds for Piper and Calvin and it was the WORST just sitting in that ultrasound room, knowing something was wrong and yet no one telling me what exactly it was. They both had an echogenic focus show up on theirs, which is basically a bright spot on the heart that can be an indicator for down syndrome. They had to monitor it and it never went away during the pregnancies but luckily both kids were born completely fine. I have faith that yours will as well :) But I will be praying for you both and hoping that you get through this sickness so you can start enjoying your pregnancy :)

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  2. Ask me how hard it's been not to drop you a line and see how you're doing since we last spoke. Not a day's gone by that you and the baby haven't been on my mind Becca. But you obviously needed space (and still do). I'm thankful for this update and more thankful still that things sound hopeful, I don't know if I can think of anything I've wanted as much lately as to see you have a healthy pregnancy.

    I can't begin to imagine the changes you're going through, it must be exhausting. I do hope you're able to stay off your feet but with two energetic little ones I know it'll be stressful and frustrating at times. Sam will have his hands full helping out and I'm so glad he's stepping up and doing what you need him to. I'm sorry you haven't had much support from people where you live but please always remember you have friends who care and are thinking of you. I'm here through all of this and whatever follows, I'll do whatever I can to help even if it's just listening. It's kinda weird but I've grown to enjoy a good vent session. :)

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  3. I'm always here for you Bec, even across the country!!! I'm sorry you have to go through all this :/ Make sure u rest! Sam's the best.

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  4. Thank you everyone for your kind words and thoughts/prayers. It truly means a lot to me! <3

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