Monday, September 12, 2011

Hardest. Thing. Ever.

This morning I could tell Anthony was a little anxious about school. I tried my best to get him amped up and by the time we headed outside to take some "going to school" photos, he seemed just dandy. The whole 20 minute drive to town went great. We talked about what he wanted for lunch after school and how Papa wanted Anthony to call him right away to tell him all about his day. I felt positive and held out hope that things would go well and there wouldn't be any tears....but I know my little man well and in the back of my head I was trying to prepare myself for tears. He's such a shy, sensitive boy. Very different from all the other little boys I've come across. 

I close my eyes and try to picture what he will be like when he's older. I have a feeling he's going to be the more quiet, sensitive, reserved man. Very polite and sincere with a heart of gold and a very empathetic nature. Hard working, intuitive, and as sharp as a thumb tack. And heaven help the boy that ever breaks his little sister's heart. He is her fierce protector already. I saw it last weekend when we were at our neighbor's b-day party down on the river. 

We walked into the school and Anthony immediately clammed up. I had this nagging feeling there would be tears soon. I coaxed him into letting me take a photo of him in the hallway holding the homework he was given at the open house. (It's stinkin' cute....we had to trace our feet on the piece of paper and then help decorate the feet however Anthony wanted).

And then we walked into the classroom. Ohhhhhh it was all downhill from there. We hadn't walked more than two feet in the room when I turned and saw his bottom lip quiver and my heart dropped. I knew it was going to be hard. :( I walked him over to his back pack cubby and gave him hugs and kisses and tried my best to reassure him that everything was going to be alright. I was doing my best to choke back my tears, but that was easier said than done. He kept telling me not to leave him there and crying and snotting all over me. It was horrible. The teacher came over and helped me eventually calm him down by persuading him to help her get out the play dough. I should have left then, but I didn't think it was wise of me to turn and disappear on him so instead Mols and I went to the other room where Anthony and the other kids began to play with the play dough. And then, just like magic, he was fine!! I was relieved that he calmed down. I snapped a few photos of him doing play dough then went to get Molly so we could leave with Anthony in good spirits. Darn that Molly! She started to cry once she realized she couldn't stay (lol, she wants to go to school soooo bad!) which in turn made Anthony start crying again. By this point I was starting to feel ill with anxiety and uncomfortable under the gaze of all the other parents watching and listening to my voice crack while talking to Anthony. One of the other mother's tried to help by trying to take Anthony by the hand to show him some toy tools, but that just made his cry turn into a bawl and I feel bad because I think I may have shot that mom a (unintentional!!!!) dirty look while Anthony bolted across the room back to my side. *sigh* Thank goodness the teacher came to help again before I blubbered like a baby. She convinced Anthony to play train with her back in the first room and with that I just kissed Anthony on the head, swooped Molly up, and got the hell out of there. 

Hardest thing I've had to do in regards to my children. Honest. His crying face just absolutely broke my heart.

One funny story.....one of the moms was telling the other parents how she woke up at 6am and made eggs and sausage and pancakes. The kiddos started piping up telling the other kids and teacher what they had for breakfast. Waffles....homemade oatmeal.....eggs.....etc. etc. The teacher asked Anthony what he had for breakfast and he goes, "I had a yogurt! Oh, and a cracker!" HAHAHA! Yup, just count me out for mama of the year, alright? I fail at breakfast. Though, I thought a yogurt was a good choice. :) And for the record, he had more than ONE cracker. lol. I think it was more like 5.

I decided I didn't want to drive all the way home for the first day, so Mols and I went to the park. I needed the fresh air to calm my nerves relax me after that horrible ordeal. We stayed there for about an hour or so then went to the post office. We stopped at McDonalds to share a breakfast sandwich and a couple hash browns before going to the gas station to fuel up and clean out the car. We definitely wont be sticking around in town every day Anthony has preschool....there simple isn't enough things to do to fill the 2 1/2 hours he's in school in our small town. The park is fine for now, but wont be once it gets cold out. I'm thinking we'll stick around in town and find something to do (like visit a friend or go to the library) once a week and the other two days make the drive home and hang out at home for the hour and a half before heading back out. We'll figure out a routine. 

We got back to the school 15 minutes before pick up time and saw all the kids playing at the playground. I snapped this last photo of Anthony as he ran to catch up with the group as they headed back into the classroom.

Anthony came running out of the class and straight into my arms. It was the best feeling in the world. We got to the car and he exclaimed that he "loved school!!!!" :) I asked him what he did and he told me he played ball, he played on the playground, and he looked in the little telescope thing on the playground and "couldn't find Mama." OMG, break my fricken heart!! He told me he sang a firetruck song and had goldfish and lemonade for a snack. He told me he went potty and pulled up and snapped his shorts all by himself. I asked him if he liked the other kids and made friends and he said yes, but that he couldn't remember their names, lol. He said he had so much fun and loved school and was excited to go back. Then he told me he loved me and missed me. *sniffles* I told him I would ALWAYS come back and pick him up.

We will see how things go on Wednesday. Hopefully FAR better than today! I don't think my heart can take another morning like that. I'm confident Wednesday will be better. 

I'm so proud of my handsome little man!

With love,
Mama Hauck


  1. Awwwww! I remember Piper telling me that I shouldn't leave her at school all by herself ever again. But she's doing great now and even misses going on the weekends. I'm bad with breakfast too but mostly because Piper refuses to eat anything. I have tried everything and she is just not a breakfast person!

  2. OMG how adorable! Sounds like a hard morning for both of you but a good afternoon :)I'm proud of u! I'd prob cry too.

  3. loved reading this story and all the little details. your little man is a sweetie. Molly


Please share your thoughts with me!