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Sunday, June 20, 2010

Mama Vent

I know I've already mentioned that I'm very unhappy that it's June and quickly approaching my kiddo's birthdays. You all know this, right? If you've kept up with my blog at all, you might also know that I've written many poems and heart felt posts concerning my kiddos getting older and how I wish it weren't so and all the reasons why I hate it. I'm sorry that I keep rubbing my fear of my kiddos growing older all up in your face, but it is ALL I can think about now a days and I'm feeling extremely sentimental. I just needed to get this off my chest....

I don't just dislike the fact that my children are growing older,
I LOATHE IT.

It's taking every ounce of my being to keep my composure. I feel I could burst out in tears at any moment. And DON'T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT reminding me that "time goes by too fast" or think you're telling me some sweet gem of advice when you say "enjoy it while it lasts." OMG, I swear I will punch you in the face and only feel a
little bad. Now is not the time to tell me something I already know just because you feel it's your duty to say something when I whine and cry about my kiddos growing older.

WHY, WHY, WHY CAN'T I STOP TIME?!!!!


I was basically dragging Anthony to each new milestone throughout his first year of life without a care in the world. And when he turned one I was so dang excited. Why? I don't know. How foolish of me! But with Molly, I find myself pleading with her not to move on to the next step. "You want to crawl now? Well....ok. But I wish you wouldn't so I can pretend you're still 4 months old. Now you want to try to walk? Lets just stick with crawling, ok?" And I'm acting as if on her birthday she's going to be taken away from me and I'll never see her again. I'm so dreading the day!! No amount of reasoning with myself on how silly this all is makes me feel any better. And it doesn't help my heart any with that fact that not only does Molly turn one, but Anthony turns three the day before. Two tearjerkers within two days? This poor Mama can only take so much. I'm utterly doomed to become a sobbing mess. Can I really handle this two day cluster of heart wrenching emotions every year?


*sigh*


I just wanted you all to know that it is NOT safe to mention anything to me that might make me remember that this coming weekend my babies celebrate their birthday. Let this week drag on and on and just let me believe that this weekend isn't really The Birthday Weekend, ok? And don't be surprised if you see me crying in the corner at any given time. And don't call CPS if you see what looks like me squeezing my children so hard they can't breath....that's just me hugging them....in a death grip. Promise you won't tell me that this is just life and children get older and there is nothing I can do. Unless you want a shiner. Then by all means, go ahead and open your mouth and dare to make me cry.


Thanks for letting me vent.


With love,

Mama Hauck

4 comments:

  1. I wanted to write a smartass comment here, but I can't. I feel how much this upsets you. Now that I'm in my forties I know the passing of time all too well.

    Not having kids of my own I'd never profess to understand how it feels to see your children grow up. I can't know that. But the truth is I've thought many times if I were a parent I'd want to see my children stay their age forever. One of the saddest things in life is having to lose some of that innocence we hold as children. When the world is new and perfect, and people are nice with no possible will of bad intent. That we must grow up to trade this in for caution and mistrust is to me one of the greatest injustices in life.

    I'm sorry this upsets you my dear, I honestly am. It's a powerless feeling isn't it? We've all heard the "life isn't fair" speech a million times by the time we're twenty-three. But only because it's all-too true.

    Cry if you feel the need Rebecca. Hold onto your kids and squeeze them tight. Remember those people who cannot have children of their own and would give anything to be able to be where you are now. Trying to hold back the hands of time yet thanking God for the opportunity to watch their children grow from the love and wisdom they've been given.

    I love the honesty in what you've written. To me there's no love more pure than a mother's love for her child.

    I'm following you now.

    xo

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  2. Barry, I got your e-mail and plan on writing back sometime this week. :)

    Thanks for the lack of a smartass comment, lol, I pretty much cried myself to sleep last night and sure don't need any tears today. 9 AM and I'm doing good!

    Powerless feeling is right. It's like trying to stop the sun from rising each morning...it just can't be done.

    You pretty much took the words right out of my mouth with your last statement. I truly believe that. I remember this one time I told a pregnant newly married gal, "No matter how much you love each other, you will love that baby more." I don't think she took the comment too well at the time, but I believe she understands now.

    So glad to have you as my follower!
    Thanks, Barry!!

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  3. Hey that's great Rebecca, I'll look forward to your e-mail! You're an easy person to talk with.

    Your post above was actually pretty powerful. I felt your tears, believe me.

    As for the rap, lol! Sandy recorded it, I think someone else did too. I did an Indian rap (decidedly very un-PC), and a gangsta rap which I wrote specifically for him. We're having some trouble e-mailing the video but I can send you a couple photos if you'd like. :)

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  4. Haha, yeah, send a few photos. I'm trying to picture you rapping. I like your use of the word "gangsta." That's something Jill and I use to say. LOL!

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