Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Does This Baby Make My Butt Look Fat?

Thanks to a fantastic metabolism, I've managed to always be naturally on the thinner side. I credit my metabolism with this mostly because, lets face it,
I am a stranger to exercise. Like in the gym with weights exercise. On the treadmill exercise. Going for a run exercise. Not going for a hike or something done for fun which I actually do all the time. :)

We weren't always strangers though! We first started out as friends. Thanks to a condition called scoliosis, (a condition where there is a curvature in the spine), I was going to physical therapy 3 times a week all throughout my last year and a half of high school. This was to strengthen my core muscles and help alleviate back pain. It also did well to tone me up a bit. Much to my surprise, I continued to do so after I made my grand move to WA. Way to go me! But like in some cases, for whatever reasons, you may start to drift away from your friend. Exercise and I eventually became just an acquaintance. I would go for the occasional iron pump....maybe if I happened to be bored or felt guilty about eating a piece of triple layer chocolate cake. Eventually though, exercise and I became strangers. If someone were to say, "Hey, there goes exercise." I'd respond, "Who's that?" But as I said before, I had a great metabolism. I was just lucky like that. So I decided I didn't need exercise. I was only doing it in the first place to help with my back. Exercise can go be friends with someone else. I'll sit in the corner with my triple layer chocolate cake and let my metabolism do all the work. Perfect!

Until I had a baby. Yes, it is no lie that cradling a baby in your womb damages more than your ability to laugh without peeing your pants. Post delivery, after the excitement mellowed and high wore off...after the visitors had gone for the night...after my beautiful new baby boy and wonderful husband settled in for a nap...I dared to lift my gown and peer down at my body. What the heck is this? Why does it look like I am now housing a giant bowl of jello where my sweet little boy once was? Why does my once perfectly smooth belly now resemble the many folds of a shar-pei? *Sigh* I mean my common sense told me I was going to look a little funky. I just had a baby, what did I expect? But that common sense did nothing to stop the shock I felt when I actually saw just how terrible I looked. I wish someone had warned me....just so I could have been a tiny bit more prepared. Still, as ugly as this thing called my body was, I knew it wouldn't always be this way. You always bounce back, right? So I basked in the joy God had blessed my husband and I with that day. I concentrated on the tiny life that became my whole world...the little guy we named Anthony Carl. And I vowed to let my body repair itself and not bother my pretty little head about it.

Months pass and I realize while my body and metabolism had done a spectacular job dropping much of the lingering baby weight, I continued to be unhappy with the way I looked. Enter exercise. But don't get too excited! Our friendship once again was short lived. I'll blame it on being too busy with my sweet little boy to work in the time. I'll blame it on not liking to work out in front of others. I'll blame it on not seeing enough results to warrant all the time and work it took to get a baby sitter, get ready, drive there, drive back, etc, etc. I'll blame it on being lazy. Yeah, I'll blame it on that. Farewell exercise once again! Why is it I would rather feel I look awful than put forth the work to do something about it? Why? Because eating triple layer chocolate cake is way more fun than working out. And it tastes much better than sweat. I continued on with my not so up to par view of myself. I told myself I just had a baby 6 months ago....I just needed more time. A longer grace period. Why the rush? Things will eventually fall back into place. I'll feel like my old self again. I'll look like my old self again. Maybe even better. Yeah! Even better.

A year after that I was finally down to a few pounds above pre-pregnancy weight, but for some reason I never did loose my love handles. I still had a little pooch. Cleverly sucked in whenever a camera was in sight though. Thanks, metabolism. You failed me! I read all about how you can change as I age...how you can change after childbirth. Was I just in denial? Yes, yes I was. I quieted my sadness with the news of a new little one on the way! HOORAY! Now I can eat all the triple layer chocolate cake I want without the guilt! Hehehe

Once again, post deliver, after the excitement mellowed and high wore off...after the visitors had gone for the night...after my beautiful new baby girl and wonderful husband settled in for a nap...I dared to lift my gown and peer down at my body. Hello jello bowl full of shar-pei wrinkles. Nice to see you again.

It has now been 7 1/2 months since the birth of my precious little Molly Lynn Elizabeth. Exercise is still not my friend. But surprise, surprise, guess who is? Love handles and little belly pooch. Still cleverly sucked in whenever a camera comes around. Coincidentally as my image over my body gets worse, so does my scoliosis pain. I like to think it is just a little nudge from my body reminding me of what's really going to get me back to my old self. So now all I have to do is heed the message and reconnect with my old friend exercise. Possibly staying best friends forever. Sadly, I don't think I can rely on my "fantastic" metabolism for too much longer. I'd hate to be forever asking, "Does this baby make my butt look fat?"

With Love,
Mama Hauck


  1. Have I told you how much I love your writing and am so glad that you're back at it!!! I have missed it soo much, i'm not even kidding. I loved reading your poems in HS.
    You are puttin my blog to shame already haha.

    Exercise and I are just acquaintances also...if I didn't dance, I wouldn't be doing anything at all! Can I have a bite of that choc cake ;)

  2. LOL! Thanks Jill! You can never have too much chocolate cake! :)


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